This is one of my closest high school friends, Lauren Schooling Dessero. I found this picture of Lauren last night and have been flooded with memories ever since. Lauren passed away from cancer. It was like being punched in the gut when I heard the news. Fifteen years later, I still have trouble believing it's true.
Tonight is for you, Lauren. I love you.
I met Lauren my first day of Freshman year at Pius X High School in Downey, California. I was so excited to be there but also extremely awkward and nervous. Meeting Lauren that day was an absolute God-send for me. She was pretty and popular from day one. More importantly, she was the most confident girl I had ever met in my entire life. I was completely in awe of her from the moment we met.
Even the way we met left an impression that follows me to this day. I was wandering the halls lost, trying to find my locker. I'm sure I looked like a weirdo. I absolutely felt like one. As I was searching the long hall of lockers, I could feel tears welling up out of frustration when this booming voice behind me asks if I needed any help. It was Lauren. She was not a quiet girl. At all. I answered like I did a lot of the time back then by tripping over my words because I was so freaked out in the moment. Lauren continued gabbing away as she took the slip from my hand, immediately found my locker which was just steps from hers and started loading my things into it. Once everything was locked inside, she asked, "So, you wanna hear a joke?" Before I could answer she told me what will forever be known to me as "Lauren's Joke."
There was once a wide mouth frog who had babies but didn’t know what to feed them. So, she went to the cow, talking with her mouth REAL WIDE, she said, “COW, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?” The Cow said, “I feed my babies milk.”
Then she went on to the horse and asked with her mouth REAL WIDE, “HORSE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?” “I feed my babies hay.” said the horse.
Finally she came to a snake. Talking with her mouth real wide, she said, “SNAKE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?” The snake said, “I feed my babies wide mouth frogs.”
So the frog said, with her mouth really small, “Oh, is that so.”
The fact of the matter is, Lauren had a very wide mouth making this the perfect joke for her. Her telling was spectacular. Watching her widen her mouth with every word the frog spoke, the words loud and clear. Until the end, when she pinched her mouth tight as she almost whispered the ending. It was hilarious but not even the best part of that first telling. The best part was her laugh that followed.
Lauren Schooling had the loudest, longest, drawn-out hee-haw of a laugh I have ever or will ever hear in my entire life. It was like hearing the friendliest donkey in the universe. It made people stop, stare and laugh at her laughing. It was magic and it never left her throughout her lifetime. Here I was that first day of high school trying to find a hole to climb into so nobody would notice me and there was Lauren inviting the entire world to not only see her but to enjoy every moment of life with her. To this day, I'll never understand how someone so young could be so outgoing and confident but I'm sure glad she was.
After that first meeting, we continued to grow together as friends, calling each other constantly, spending the night at each others homes and even vacationing in Cayucos together with my family. I left Pius X after my Freshman year. I wanted to go to a public school, something I had never done. My parents fought me on it and so did Lauren, but I was determined. My last three years were spent at South Gate High School, a decision I later regretted but would never admit. Even though Lauren and I no longer went to the same school, our friendship continued. The day I got my first car, the first place I drove to was Lauren's house.
The night I met Bob, Lauren was with me. I had set up a double-date with my friend Carl. He was bringing Bob to meet Lauren. The four of us had a great time that night going to the local Azalea Festival and then back to my house at midnight for pizza and Don Kirshners Midnight Special. I told Lauren later that night that I was going to marry Bob Hansen. She laughed at me and called me stupid which only made me jump up and down on the bed singing, "I'm gonna marry Bob Hansen! I'm gonna marry Bob Hansen!" On my wedding day, Lauren laughed her hee-haw laugh while reminding me of that night, four years earlier.
Through the following years, Lauren was always there. When she met her husband Steve, she called to tell me all about him and a few months later brought him to Cayucos where we lived, for a long weekend. It was wonderful, the four of us together in my favorite place on earth. When they decided to marry, I gave Lauren her wedding shower at my parents house in Fullerton. My mom loved Lauren and helped make it one of those usual Casas events. I love the pictures of that day so much, with Lauren smiling her wide-mouth frog smile and laughing her hee-haw laugh. She was really happy and I was so happy for her.
After a few years, Lauren and Steve separated. She drove the four hours north to my front door to tell me and to cry. We both cried and spent the weekend like we did in high school, staying up all night talking. Later, when I found out I was pregnant again, Lauren was one of my first calls. She drove that long four hour drive during my pregnancy just to be there with me, as I was in and out of the hospital, sick as a dog. She would lay her hand on my belly and talk to the baby like they were long-lost friend. It was during this second pregnancy that she admitted she was really sad fearing she would never have children of her own. I'd never believe or accept that and I told her so. I think it was what she needed to here.
Eventually, Lauren and Steve reconciled and had two children, a girl and later a boy. I was so happy for her. It was all Lauren ever really wanted. She had a very successful career, had traveled the world and now, she had the one thing she wanted more than anything, a family of her own.
As time went by and both our families grew, mine more than Lauren's, we didn't see one another as often but we still wrote and called throughout the years. Our last conversation was really good. Lauren was happy. Steve was doing well and her children were her everything. She was so proud of them. She had become very active again in the Catholic Church and was singing during Mass. Lauren had always had the voice of an angel, even touring Europe with a singing group after high school. She was still in California but I had moved to Oklahoma. We talked about getting together next time I flew out to see my sisters. That would never happen. Lauren got sick and passed away shortly after on December 2, 2005. I never knew she was sick.
When I hadn't heard from her in an usually long time, and my letters and calls went unanswered, I got this awful feeling in my gut. I searched the internet to see if maybe she had moved and I could locate a new address or phone number. I found her obituary. I immediately tried to reach Steve, with no answer. After a week of calling, I gave up.
It wasn't until my own sister died that I understood, sometimes people just can't deal with others when they are grieving. I went into my cave when Kelly died. Maybe Steve had his cave, as well.
Every Christmas, I hang the ornaments Lauren handmade for us on our tree. I usually cry and talk to her, letting her know I wish I had been there with her. I also remind her to save my spot and not to worry about me getting lost when I arrive. I'll follow the laughter.
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