Sometimes, I Just Can't Help Myself

Our house looks like hoarders live here at the moment. Not that I'm judging any hoarders. You do you, boo, as I've heard them say. Ok, I've never actually heard anyone say that but you get where I'm going. Anyway, we decided to paint our kitchen. No big deal, right? Wrong. Because it seems the right thing to do, if you're going to paint your kitchen, is to also paint your dining room. And hallway. Plus the front bathroom. So, after schlepping all the crap from those rooms into our living room and the two back bedrooms, our house looks like it could get us a spot on one of those hoarding shows. Which actually isn't a bad idea if it will help pay for this fiasco we're living in.

See that narrow little pathway? That's in our living room. It leads to our couch which is the only place to sit at the moment. Yes, we have a lot of booze, which is spread all over the house right now. It looks like we need an intervention which we probably do but just not for drinking because we actually don't drink that much. That's why we have so much booze. If we drank it we wouldn't have it. Logic, people. Besides, if you're going to judge me, it should be for having a slot machine in our living room with a picture of Jesus over it. But, you would be wrong to judge me for that because it's actually my way of reminding myself there is no such thing as luck. You're welcome.

My sister-friend, Patty, started this entire nightmare we're living in.

This is our kitchen. Well, it was our kitchen. I loved this kitchen. I had a big pantry built and added a cool door like the one our kids bought us when we lived in Oklahoma. I hired a guy to tear out the microwave, move an island to open the kitchen up and change the location of the stove. Speaking of the stove, it went out on our back porch so the vintage 1953 stove could go into the kitchen. Yes, the stove on the back porch worked. No, the vintage 1953 stove did not work. But it was all good. We just cooked out on the back porch until we could find someone to restore the vintage 1953 stove. I know it didn't work but it looked really cool in our 1953 kitchen. Whatever. Think Green Acres. Then, I had the guy paint the kitchen John Deere green and yellow. No, seriously, I actually said to the Florida painter dude, please paint my cabinets John Deere yellow to go along with the John Deere green countertops and crappy, peeling 1953 linoleum floor. And since I had a checkbook in my hand, Florida painter dude complied with my wishes. 

This made perfect sense to me at the time. Then Patty came to stay with us for a few months a few years ago. She and Mark were moving to Florida and Patty came ahead to get their brand-new just being built house done while Mark sold his business. One of the first things Patty asked me when she saw my kitchen was if I had painted it those colors on purpose. Um, yeah! They're John Deere yellow and green. Then she asked about the stove situation and that's when I knew I was in trouble. Because anytime your sister comes to stay with you and she acts real sweet but is using psychological warfare on you in the hopes of bringing you back to reality, you're in trouble. I've been in this rodeo before, usually as the clown in the barrel. I pretty much knew I was going down for the count eventually so instead of fighting it, Patty, Bob and I went and bought a new stove for the kitchen. I kept the vintage 1953 stove however, as my act of protest and it now sits next to my washer. I use it for storing detergent and bleach in the ovens and folding on top of the burners. It made sense at the time.

Anyway, fast forward to now and the ceilings that were painted less than five years ago which are now  peeling plus the John Deere yellow cabinets were somehow starting to cheer me less and annoy me more. I found myself asking if I painted it those colors on purpose. So, we're painting.

I had the new and improved Florida painter dude use black on the bottom cabinets and gray on the top. The walls are a creamy white and the ceiling is finally perfectly textured. Of course, I FaceTimed with Patty when Florida painter dude go started to make sure I wasn't making another unfortunate life choice. She approved so I am happy and hopefully, the painting will be done soon. The new and improved Florida painter dude is actually a contractor so he mentioned now would be a good time to finish tiling our kitchen and dining room floors to match the rest of the house we'd already updated. I told him I didn't think we could afford it at the moment. The tile was delivered today. 

A new John Deere would have been cheaper than this mess.