Thursday, January 6, 2011

God Bless Blogger With Warts and Happy Birthday Old Gal

Yesterday was my sister Charlene's birthday. I had a post all planned and ready to go however Blogger decided my writing stinks and wouldn't allow me to even type into the posting box. God bless Blogger. Anyway, I got up early this morning hoping the Blogger people might still be asleep and I could sneak this post in. I am a freaking genius because obviously, it worked. So onto a one day belated birthday post for my sister Char.

Dear Charlene,

I know you hate when people call you Charlene instead of Char therefore I shall refer to you as Charlene in honor of your birthday and in the hopes of further driving you insane.

It's hard to believe Charlene, that January 5th, 1946 was the day of your birth. I mean, it seems so long ago. Like, when really old people would have been born. But alas, it has been verified through your dentures as the actual day you arrived. Kelly and I still can't believe we have a sister old enough to be our mother. Don't get us wrong, we are thankful to have an elderly sister, you know, with mom being dead and all. You have been a fine replacement. Mom would be proud of you. Finally.

As I was thinking about January 5th, 1946 , I realized Diane Keaton was born on the same day. Boy, that gal really did something with her life didn't she? Isn't it funny how two people born on the exact same day could turn out so differently. One a successful actress and the other only having that one starring role in her high school production of Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? Speaking of Whatever Happened To Baby Jane, you really freak Kelly and me out whenever you start singing and dancing like Bette Davis from that creepshow. I am sure you don't mean to but all the same, stop already.

In honor of your big day, here are some interesting facts from 1946. Don't think of them as just my way to get cheap laughs, consider this my gift to you. You're welcome.

  • Joe Louis defends heavyweight title for 23rd time. Imagine that. Dad would become friends with Joe Louis through his involvement in boxing and you would actually get to meet him. Who would have thought being so old would have such a cool bennie?
  • Zip-a-dee-do-dah was the big song that year. It remains one of the most annoying songs to date. What a strange coincidence. You were big news to our family that year and today, well, I'm just saying.
  • Strapless bras become popular. Lucky for you that you have those big breasts to hold the strapless thing going on. I will never forget asking you what those two scars on your boobs were. You know, where you had moles removed. When you told me that was where they had inflated your boobs, I spent my entire pre-teen years terrified of going to the doctor to have my boobs inflated one day. Yeah, you always were a great big sister like that.
  • The Philippines gained independence. What a lucky break for us. That meant that when dad was old you were able to hire that nice lady from there to live with him after mom died. Remember her? The one you had such a great feeling would be the perfect caregiver. Of course being your younger sisters, Kelly and I deferred to your wisdom because you, being so much older, can read people so much better than we can. Imagine our surprise when she informed us a year later that she had left her husband and was going to marry dad. It wasn't the 50 year age difference that bothered me. I am sure she was genuinely in love with his wallet him. I just couldn't get use to calling someone 15 years younger than me, mommy.
  • The breathalyzer was invented. That's all I'm saying.
  • Cher was born. Char. Cher. Char. Coincidence or fate? We may never know.
As I was writing this birthday tribute for you, I remembered how mom was five months pregnant with you and had no clue. When she went to Doctor Kelley because she was feeling so crummy, he took an xray, worried she might have a tumor. May I just say Charlene how very glad we all are that you turned out to be you and not some tumor. Most days.

Happy Birthday Old Gal. We love you, Char.

I love when you make this mom face. No really, it's so you.

21 comments:

Bruce Coltin said...

That was a riot, but I'm okay with not having you for a sister. Char must be a tough cookie.

Blasé said...

Dear Char,

I know this will sound cliche, but I'll be praying for you....you know, regarding Marla.

p.s. Whatever Happened to Baby Jane is one of my all-time favorites.

Empathizing with you (about Marla),
Blasé

Oklahoma Granny said...

Ahhh - sisters. You just gotta love 'em. Happy Birthday, Char!

Marla said...

Bruce ~ Tough as leather. :-)

Blase ~ Good for you!

OG ~ You might want to pray for me after she reads this. I don't know what comes over me. LOL

Cheeseboy said...

The invention of the breathalyzer must have been made by drunk people. How else could they try it?

Blogger and I have a love/hate relationship. It loves me and I hate it most of the time..

Sarah said...

You do know how to poke a beehive, don't you? Thank goodness I'm not your sista. Happy Birthday to Charlene!

Glen said...

you like to live on the edge don't you :-) I though Cher was early 30's? she looks so young and natural on the TV!!

Happy Birthday to your Sister (who looks considerably better than Cher)

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

OMGosh! that was so funny! I can't imagine getting by with writing something like this on my sisters' birthdays. they'd throttle me.

better to share your birthdate with diane keaton than michael jackson... just saying...

happy birthday char!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

My sister is older than me and it really, really bothers her. She would kill me if I did this!! I love it!

Monkey Man said...

Funny dis of your sis.

Brian Miller said...

hehe...um yeah...hope she has a great birthday...

Not So Simply Single said...

Happy Birthday! She's not an old gal....

However, I did feel a bit old this morning, after going dancing last night... My girlfriends says that I am older than dirt. (how does she know how old dirt is)

Give me a cup of coffee...it's early here!

Lisa

Mrs. Tuna said...

Gonna love those sistahs, mine is 49 weeks older. Mostly it puts her 49 weeks closer to 50 than me.

Not So Simply Single said...

Marla,
When are you coming over for some warm muffins, and giving me more of those words of wisdom? I like what you wrote on my blog...ESPECIALLY the dating advice. (I will take all the advice I can get.)
As for thin, honey, surely you jest! Look closer, I have one heck of a big Italian butt! But I love it and I kiss it every day, and thank God for JLo and the Kardashians who make big butts so popular! Ha ha!

Coffee's on, come on over!

Lisa

J.J. in L.A. said...

1946, hmm? Thanks for making me feel SO young! My birthday wasn't til 1964...which makes me 46. A coinkie dinkie? I think not.

Happy (belated) birthday, Char!!!

TechnoBabe said...

You are so brave. Char must gave back double what you give to her, she is older after all, so older means wiser and sneakier and stronger and tougher, right? Char and I were born a month apart. And my name starts with a C. You know I love you, Marla, but I am on Char's side this time. We old gals have to watch each others backs.

Deborah said...

Jan 5? That's my daughter's birthday! A good day.

Happy Birthday Charlene! hehehe

gayle said...

This was so funny!! I wish I had a sister!

Katie said...

No no everyone. Its a ROAST. Everyone knows you can say whatever you want at a roast and the other person has to smile graciously. I'm pretty sure that's a federal law.

A love this post. I only wish I had a sister...

Sandra said...

What a wonderful post! Wow what a writer you are. Love is oozing all through it. The kind of love you have with somebody REALLY REALLY special! I know she loved it. Kind of like being roasted in cyberspace!

tattytiara said...

Ah haha! The loving tributes of siblings. Happy birthday Char!