God Bless Blogger With Warts and Happy Birthday Old Gal

Yesterday was my sister Charlene's birthday. I had a post all planned and ready to go however Blogger decided my writing stinks and wouldn't allow me to even type into the posting box. God bless Blogger. Anyway, I got up early this morning hoping the Blogger people might still be asleep and I could sneak this post in. I am a freaking genius because obviously, it worked. So onto a one day belated birthday post for my sister Char.

Dear Charlene,

I know you hate when people call you Charlene instead of Char therefore I shall refer to you as Charlene in honor of your birthday and in the hopes of further driving you insane.

It's hard to believe Charlene, that January 5th, 1946 was the day of your birth. I mean, it seems so long ago. Like, when really old people would have been born. But alas, it has been verified through your dentures as the actual day you arrived. Kelly and I still can't believe we have a sister old enough to be our mother. Don't get us wrong, we are thankful to have an elderly sister, you know, with mom being dead and all. You have been a fine replacement. Mom would be proud of you. Finally.

As I was thinking about January 5th, 1946 , I realized Diane Keaton was born on the same day. Boy, that gal really did something with her life didn't she? Isn't it funny how two people born on the exact same day could turn out so differently. One a successful actress and the other only having that one starring role in her high school production of Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? Speaking of Whatever Happened To Baby Jane, you really freak Kelly and me out whenever you start singing and dancing like Bette Davis from that creepshow. I am sure you don't mean to but all the same, stop already.

In honor of your big day, here are some interesting facts from 1946. Don't think of them as just my way to get cheap laughs, consider this my gift to you. You're welcome.

• Joe Louis defends heavyweight title for 23rd time. Imagine that. Dad would become friends with Joe Louis through his involvement in boxing and you would actually get to meet him. Who would have thought being so old would have such a cool bennie?
• Zip-a-dee-do-dah was the big song that year. It remains one of the most annoying songs to date. What a strange coincidence. You were big news to our family that year and today, well, I'm just saying.
• Strapless bras become popular. Lucky for you that you have those big breasts to hold the strapless thing going on. I will never forget asking you what those two scars on your boobs were. You know, where you had moles removed. When you told me that was where they had inflated your boobs, I spent my entire pre-teen years terrified of going to the doctor to have my boobs inflated one day. Yeah, you always were a great big sister like that.
• The Philippines gained independence. What a lucky break for us. That meant that when dad was old you were able to hire that nice lady from there to live with him after mom died. Remember her? The one you had such a great feeling would be the perfect caregiver. Of course being your younger sisters, Kelly and I deferred to your wisdom because you, being so much older, can read people so much better than we can. Imagine our surprise when she informed us a year later that she had left her husband and was going to marry dad. It wasn't the 50 year age difference that bothered me. I am sure she was genuinely in love with his wallet him. I just couldn't get use to calling someone 15 years younger than me, mommy.
• The breathalyzer was invented. That's all I'm saying.
• Cher was born. Char. Cher. Char. Coincidence or fate? We may never know.

As I was writing this birthday tribute for you, I remembered how mom was five months pregnant with you and had no clue. When she went to Doctor Kelley because she was feeling so crummy, he took an xray, worried she might have a tumor. May I just say Charlene how very glad we all are that you turned out to be you and not some tumor. Most days.

Happy Birthday Old Gal. We love you, Char.

I love when you make this mom face. No really, it's so you.