The Best Laid Plans

I was reminded today of something. Motherhood is not easy. I would venture to say the same about fatherhood. Being a parent, from my view, is one of the greatest things to ever happen in my life but it wasn't and isn't always easy.

When Bob and I first found out we were going to have a baby, we both were absolutely giddy. I was nineteen and Bob was twenty-four. Even though we were both very young, we knew everything there was to know about parenting. No two people on the planet were smarter than we were when it came to being ready to raise a human being. And then we actually had one and quickly realized how stupid we both were. 

But, two years later, we had figured this whole parenting thing out well enough to give it another go. I mean, our first one seemed relatively happy and healthy so why not?

Having two little boys was amazing. Bob has one sister and I have three sisters so having boys was a bit unexpected and wonderful. We adored these two little monkeys. We still do. All I wanted in life was to be a wife and mother so I threw myself into motherhood with everything in me. I wanted to be perfect for my boys. I wasn't but I sure wanted to be.

I wanted ten kids and Bob wanted two so before long, number three was on the way. Funny how that happens. My dad offered to give Bob a gift certificate to a spay and neuter clinic. I think he was only half joking. Even though I was sick as a dog and hospitalized due to constant barfing with all three pregnancies, I was really happy. 

These three boys were and are my world. I loved them more than I thought possible. I still had the same goal of being the best mother to them and I still failed on the regular but I wouldn't have changed my life with them then or now. After Andrew was born, Bob said no more. We were done. Three kids was the limit.

So, we adopted our two girls because who doesn't adopt a five and ten year old when you know that you know those girls are yours and belong in your family. I cried a lot of happy tears but not as many as Mr. No More Kids. Having our girls changed the dynamic of our family in so many ways and made us better and stronger. And of course, we were experts on adopting older kids before the girls actually came home then once they arrived, we realized how stupid we both were.

Bob and I both agreed our family was complete with five kids and then God laughed and we adopted the most beautiful baby on planet earth. We didn't know we needed a sixth child, our third daughter, but God knew and once she was home, we knew it too. But that was it. We were definitely closing up shop. Six kids was our max. We had all the Hansens needed to complete our whack-a-doo family. Not to mention, I was still trying to be the perfect mother to three boys, three girls and six very unique and distinct personalities and pretty much failing on the regular. Six was positively, absolutely it.

 

And then came number seven because God knew the only way to teach me that being the perfect mother was never an actual possibility and more importantly, it was never a requirement. It was always about two things. Love and acceptance. Loving the people He brought together to form our family and not only accepting each one but accepting how they would change me year after year.

That love and acceptance part was much harder when it came to loving and accepting myself for who I was as a woman and a mother. But seven little diamonds in the rough have knocked most of my hard edges off. 

Today, I saw a young mother having a moment of struggle and it reminded me of my own struggles as a young woman. This isn't the first young mother I have tried to encourage and she won't be the last. I will always listen to them and let them know I not only hear and see them, I was them. When so many are harsh and critical towards young men and women doing their best to raise a family in an unforgiving world, I will point out everything they are doing that is good and I will try my best to convince them they are not doing it all wrong. Even when they're sure they are. Because I know that I know being the perfect mother or father is not a possibility and definitely not a requirement. Only love and acceptance and it starts with me and with you.