Wednesday, June 30, 2010

An Affair To Remember

Dear AOL,


I remember when we first met. It was magic. I could not believe that someone like you could care so much about someone like me. You took me by the hand and led me to places I had always heard about but feared to go. I was in love and knew I would always be faithful to only you.



Years later, when you actually offered me a job, I was in heaven. That you, a world leader, would want someone like me in your ranks was a dream come true. Like Cinderella, you were my prince, taking me away from dirty dishes and evil step-sisters. I was happy.



Our five years together were what dreams are made of. You sent me to Florida and New York. We stayed in the finest hotels, ate in amazing restaurants, and met people who treated me like the queen you had convinced me I was. Project Manager might have been my title but I knew the truth. You loved me for me and would never do me wrong.



When you asked me to entertain people from all over the world, I was thrilled. To be the PM of the second largest office and have this honor was almost more than I could imagine. So, I did my absolute best because you were counting on me. I entertained and trained those you sent me from India, Israel and the Philippines. I sent them all back to their home offices with cases full of AOL trinkets and ideas on promoting their sites. I was awesome!



Then, the truth came out. You were cheating on me. Others had warned me for months but I refused to believe it. When I could no longer deny the awful facts, I watched you pack your bags and move overseas. My heart broke.



Like a fool, I stayed online with you, hoping, waiting, believing that someday, you would come home to me. And now this. This is the final straw. To have my account hacked and whacked was bad enough. But to have to speak to “Richey” in India for 45 minutes and beg, plead, scream for my free account to be canceled before anymore of my friends are bombarded with the crap you allowed into our relationship…well, enough is enough.



We are through. It’s final. I have only one last thing to say to you...



YAHOO!!!!



Marla

32 comments:

Silver Strands said...

Marla, PLEASE find a way to get this published EVERYWHERE. You are hilarious. And good for you :)
oxoxo
Denalee

Parsley said...

WAHOO FOR YAHOO...though you should read their privacy policy too. First day I signed up for my email addy, I got porn email. No joke! I hadn't even sent outgoing mail yet!

Please keep in touch. You have my email and blog addresses.

Hey...come over Saturday night for burgers and fireworks!

Ms. Anthropy said...

And a big Yahoo, to you, too! I couldn't get by without it. Sorry for the de-throning, but you are still royalty, in my book! Hail, Marla! Hail, yes!

Sonya said...

LOL,that was soo funny..lol

Uhm..I think u better stop by my blog:P

Monkey Man said...

So sad to drop the curtain on a relationship that was lined with silver. Too bad that silver lining was so shallow. Good luck with your new provider.

Two Shades of Pink said...

I do believe it fitting that a yahoo turned to yahoo. From one yahoo to another...who does gmail and msn.

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

LOL! I'm using gmail for most things now that don't go to my ISP. But, I may be ditching my ISP so not sure if it'll be yahoo, hotmail, live, or gmail.

decisions, decisions, decisions!

Blasé said...

I can't blame you because you didn't know me then. I would have steered you in the right direction so that you could have avoided all that.

Glen said...

perhaps if you had tried a little harder, worn shorter skirts, made a little more effort in the kitchen and occasionally let AOL win on the WII, it wouldn't have had to look elsewhere. You only have yourself to blame!

Brian Miller said...

yay. that was briliant...i imagine you will not be shedding too many tears over this break up. smiles.

TechnoBabe said...

Adios AOL from all of us. Too bad AOL turned its back on us. Marla, you are a great writer.

J.J. said...

I'm cheating on Yahoo with Yahoo (2 accounts). As far as I know, they still don't know about each other...and that's the way I like it!

Cheeseboy said...

I love my Yahoo and Gmail. Honestly, I didn't even know AOL was even still around. I haven't seen an AOL account in ages.

Respectfully Yours said...

Good for you girl.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I yiyi-- 45 minutes to break up with anyone is too long let with a guy thousands of miles away.

Hope the hacking didn't do to much damage.

jj

Oklahoma Granny said...

You go girl!

Anonymous said...

Finally! See ya soon!

Deborah said...

AOL was like a god to me in the beginning as well. I'd wait and wait and WAIT for connection. Only to get kicked to the curb constantly.

I dumped them in a hot minute when DSL entered my life.

But I'll never abandon my Hotmail. Spam and all. I love hearing about enhancements I can buy myself and loved ones.

You make me laugh!

Sarah said...

AOL? What's that? :)

Unknown Mami said...

I'm so sorry, but your closing made me laugh.

Will you do me a huge favor? If my feed isn't updating since I moved to WordPress will you pretty please un-follow then re-follow?

Have a Happy 4th!

Mommy Lisa said...

I like gmail the best - and I have Yahoo, Excite and a five free email addresses on my Comcast account.

Free Pretty Things For You said...

Nice to meet you Marla!
Love the package you sent my dear Jessica!
SO sweet! :)
XOxo
Keren

Pam said...

Tee-Hee,
Marla - you HAD me!!! ( you always bring a smile to my face!)
I Have a "little" award/pat-on-the-back for you over at my site! Have an AWESOME 4th!
Peace,
Pam

Kerri said...

I cheated on Yahoo with Gmail...still am actually. Just don't have the heart to break up for good.
I laughed out loud for real reading this.
Have a great weekend.

Beth Zimmerman said...

So you will no longer hear "You've Got Mail!"? Actually I think that's the only thing I miss from AOL. Thanks for visiting and following. Delighted to return the follow.

Modern Military Mother said...

please can you help me get out of mine now - and they are taking £12 a month!!! I want out!!!!

Prudence said...

Marla,
You are to funny, I don't know why I have not followed you before today???

Blasé said...

apparently your email doesn't work.

Susan Tipton said...

Excellent! Love the punchline:)

KyAnn (like Cayenne Pepper, only HOTTER) said...

I just found your super awesome blog and I'm your newest follower.

KyAnn

http://checketts-myers-clan.blogspot.com

Marla said...

Denalee ~ I'm glad you think so! :-)

Sonya ~ Did I say thank you a million times yet?!?!?!?!?! :-)

Blase ~ Yeah, that's what I need. You steering me.....right over some cliff.

Glen ~ I knew I could count on you to put it all in perspective. Thank you!

Techno ~ You are too sweet!

Pam ~ I am so excited....Thank you!!

Blase ~ Apparently you don't know how to use email. :-)

Adoption of Jane said...

You are my new fav blogger!! I love your posts!