Saturday, February 27, 2010

Free Advice: Worth Every Penny

One of my very nearest and dearest friends is going through a terrible time right now. Her husband…and I use the term loosely… has broken her heart along with just about every single wedding vow he willingly took twenty plus years ago. I hate liars! I absolutely cannot stand a good liar. Please, if you are so over being married, then just man up and say so. Then, move along little doggie. But no! This guy has to make sure he leaves a path of emotional destruction behind him. Kind of like King Kong. Only the monkey actually had a heart.

Anyway, my friend has a heart the size of Outer Mongolia. She is sweet and kind, loving and forgiving. We are extreme opposites. Over the last year, as this horrific melodrama has unfolded, much like a rabid bat unfolding it’s putrid wings just before it swoops down and sinks it’s yellow fangs into your unsuspecting neck, (sorry, I digress) my friend has come to me for advice. This was her first mistake.

Now, in my defense, I can say that if I am nothing else, I am definitely consistent. My advice over the last year has remained steadfastly unchanged. I have sincerely and honestly given her the absolute best advice possible. Remember, I have been happily married …to the same guy, even … for almost thirty-four years. I must know something, right?

So, this morning I was a bit shocked by my husbands flippant attitude towards me. I was really mad at him last week for … well, I have no idea why anymore, but I know it was with good reason. And it just so happens the day that I was so mad at him, I drove his beloved diesel truck to the city. And I accidentally scraped the side on our gate as I was leaving the farm. And I immediately confessed it that night when he got home. And he forgave me. For the scrape. Not the fight. Because that was HIS fault. Whatever it was about.

Anyway, so this morning, we were all cuddly in bed, talking sweet and stuff. Never mind. We were talking. And I said I had been worried that he was going to think I scraped the truck on purpose because I was mad at him. And he said, “ You would never do something like that. You’re not that kind of person. You’d always tell me the truth.”

That’s when I cuddled a little more remembering why I like this guy so much.

Then he said, “ That or you’d just throw all my clothes and guitars on the front lawn and invite the neighbors over for a bonfire.”

Consistent and time-proven advice. It’s free … and worth every penny.


Brian Miller said... know, us guys need to learn when to just be quiet and enjoy the moment...smiles. lucky i dont own any guitars....

TechnoBabe said...

You are one of the lucky ones that's for sure. Especially being married that many years to a man who plays guitar! Really lucky.

Gucci Mama said...

Nothing like a well placed bit of snark, eh? ;)

Sarah said...

i hope your advice to your friend is to do what your hubby said what you would've done to him.

Parsley said...


Seriously Marla....we need to meet someday. I think you'd crack me up cause you do here.

Rae said...

I scraped the side of my hubby's truck once, not bad though. He never noticed and I never fessed up. The first year we were married I did throw his stuff out on the lawn. That was 33 years ago. At this point in time he knows neither one of us is going anywhere. He doesn't worry about seeing his undies flung out in the grass for everyone to see anymore.

Enchanted Oak said...

Don't you love it when friends ask for your advice? I have to hold my tongue until I get asked, that's my personal vow to myself, but if I can't hold my tongue anymore, I say, "Will you please ask for my advice?"
What advice did you give her?

Nancy C said...

I love your blog. Funny at one moment, poignant at others, and always with such big heart.

Tgoette said...

I, like your husband, can't just leave well enough alone and have to crack wise, often at delicate moments. Must be some kind of mental disorder I think. I can't help myself. Thankfully wifey is very understanding and only gives me a sharp yank. LOL! Great job!

Thanks for stopping by and the follow!

kbxmas said...

Honesty is a beautiful gift, even when it hurts.

UberGrumpy said...


Mrs G regularly prangs our cars. It's become something of a family tradition

Oklahoma Granny said...

I am so sorry for your friend. Hearing about situations like that always cause me to remember how blessed I am to have married the man that I did.

I got a good laugh about the bon fire.

Auntie Cake said...

Oh Marla,
You and I are more alike than you would ever know... That does remind me of the time my mother-in-law was mad at her hubby, after he went to bed, she set all the clocks in the house two hours earlier. I think it was hilarious, he did not!

Matty said...

Men, can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.

ModernMom said...

So so hard when a girlfriends heart is breaking. Great free advice:)

Mike Golch said...

the throwing the clothes and the guitars on the lawn for a bonfire would tell him that you were really P.O'd at him.Just saying. BTY I'm married my great lady 30 years ago yesterday.I had to do it a second time to get it right.

Just Playin' said...

GReat post! And you are right on! Tell yo friend to vamoose!!! She can do better. Pleeeeaaaze! I am reading "Why I Stayed" by Gayle Haggard. Stand by your man only goes so far with me. I have a good one though, and even so.....well, you know how it goes.

Amarja said...

I love you and Bob! You guys are the best together! Hope your friend's heart will be healed.. She is lucky with you as her friend!

angie said...


My heart hurts for your friend. How sad.

PS Did you get my emails?

Kimberly said...

Hi Marla! thanks for coming over to my blog! Congratulations on being married so long! :>)

Deborah said...

He is a smart man!

Unknown Mami said...

Nothin' wrong with a nice bon fire.

marci-me said...

sound advice from a woman who walks the walk - I'll remember to come to you when I need some free advice:)

Lola Sharp said...

Sorry about your friend.
Sadly, I think we all have at least friend with a loser husband.
And know at least one sweet guy with a bit*h on wheels wife.

The good news is, there are a few of us in longterm happy marriages. I have a husband full of awesome, even after all these years. And he has two guitars.

Love your blog. Worth every penny.

MindyBB said...

I love consistent people and I hate the actions of the darn un-man... Confession: "Honey am I being passive aggressive?" "Honey you don't have a passive bone in your body!" Can you believe he said that to me ;-) ;-) Did he call Bob? j/k I love that they are so much alike and we well...Love you!

Auntie Cake said...

Hi Marla,
I was thinking about you today. Hope all is well with you!

Anonymous said...

Hey cuz,
Been reading and not commenting....yes you heard right, actually not putting in my two cents. Hum not normal for the women in our family.
Besides you get such rave reviews from your new friends sarcasm would stand out like a sore thumb.....I miss you,
I can't believe it has been 8 years for us....I have been more weepy than normal this year. It doesn't seem to be any less painful each year. Your mom died on Dylans 8th birthday we had just arrived in Tahoe for the week trying to recover from mom's passing. Tear, Tear.....Your mom was our beloved Aunt who always welcomed us and showed us life can be fun aside from the marital struggles. Who did you know who didn't live in a disFUNctional home? Oh those trips to TJ, such fun,such fun.
OK so now I don't feel like a stalker of your blog anymore.
Love you, Cher

Marla said...

Brian ~ Yes, you do! :-)

TechnoBabe ~ I so agree

Gucci Mama ~ Exactly

Sarah ~ It absolutely was

Parsley ~ Just say when

Rae ~ You are too funny

Enchanted ~ I told her we needed to build a bonfire and invite the neighbors. Oh yeah, I did and I meant it. :-)

Nancy ~ Thank you. That means a lot to me.

Tgoette ~ "Must be some kind of mental disorder" That's what you all plead. :-)

kbxmas ~ I so agree

UG ~ Prangs? I think I am going to make that my word of the day and see how many times I can use it in a conversation. Thanks!

Ok Granny ~ Me too! I feel more blessed by the day.

Kate ~ Ok, I so have to remember the clock set back. That is AWESOME!!

Matty ~ Yes you can. You just have to aim better.

MM ~ I am really sad for her... with matches ready.

Mike ~ Yes it would. Thanks for stopping by!

Just Playin ~ I so agree!!

Amarja ~ We love you back!! Did you get the invitation yet??

Angie ~ Mine too. I am playing email catch up today.

Kimberly ~ My pleasure and thank you!

Deborah ~ Very!

Mami ~ Expecially with a good marshmallow.

marci-me ~ I'm here for ya, sister

Lola ~ So true and thank you!

Mindy ~ They both know better than to tell us the truth about ourselves. LOL

Kate ~ I am better today after way too many days of feeling sorry for myself. Thank you so much for checking on me. It means a lot to me, seriously.

Marla said...

Cher ~ I have been thinking about you everyday for weeks. I even started to call you several times but was too blubbery to follow through. Eight years later and it still sucks. I only hope our children are as miserable when we croak. :-)

As for commenting, people only say these kind things about me because they don't know how really bad I am like you do. Come on! You're a Walter! Slap me with some comment already, will ya?

I miss you, cousin and can't wait to see you again. Are you going to make it to the wedding?

Love you!!

Shelle said...

well i don't know why us girls aren't allow to put a dent in the car once in a while....heck it's not like the guys have never done it!

Mama Zen said...

Ah, this made me smile!

Just Be Real said...

Marla great post. Made me smile. I like what Matty stated. Thank you for sharing. Blessings to you dear.

Janean said...

marla, i adore the way you write!!!

hope your friend's sleezy *husband* finds an identical-to-him match and is stuck with her for eternity! hehe. (ok i know this wasn't nice...)

Kristin said...

That's a good man! At least he knows what's in store for him if he steps outta line. Ah ha ha

The Texas Woman said...

Tell her it hurts less to leave 'em than to stay around and be stepped on. Just saying.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Yep, you are my kind of girl. I'd do the same thing! High fives to you.


Lorenza said...

I wish I could develop such a relationship with my husband! I am talking about yours... I am working on it, there is still hope...


Mommy Lisa said...

I love that...

AnyAward - I gave you one and please stop by to get it!

Blasé said...

I think it was your fault, he's just being nice is all.

Marla said...

Shelle ~ I so agree. :-)

MZ ~ Me too! lol

JBR ~ Thank you!

Janean ~ Oh my, we think very much alike. lol

Kristin ~ Yes, he does!

Texas Woman ~ You are so right.

JJ ~ Great minds...

Lorenza ~ You can. There is always hope, my friend.

MommyLisa ~ Thank you!! I will come by tomorrow. Thanks again!

Blase ~ Uh, yeah!

Lily Robinson said...

Hmmm... You guys sound like us guys!