Friday, December 18, 2009

Dear Jolly Fat Man,

I made it home. In one piece, Only two hours late. Thank you, God.

Being so thankful to be back in my own bed this morning, I thought I might need to write a letter to the jolly fat man himself.

Dear Jolly Fat Man,

   I understand you bought your plane ticket just like I did. I also understand you were probably a big boned baby and can't help the fact that you are super-sized. Being a big girl panty sized woman myself, I can't judge. Would it be ever so awful if I made just a few minor requests?
  • When your jolly, fat man buttocks take up your entire seat plus four inches of mine, would you please consider purchasing part of my seat as well? Consider it buttocks property rental.
  • When your left elbow is literally jammed into my right breast for the entire two hour trip, could you at least offer to buy me a drink? I mean, seriously, if this is going to be like a bad date, then shouldn't I at least get something out of it?
  • Sneezing. Coughing. Hand covers mouth. Get the picture?
  • Heavy breathing has it's purpose. Would you kindly not do it six inches from my ear because you are leaning on me to get a better view out of the window. The window I am jammed into. The window I paid for. The window I prayed to find a way to jump out of for two solid hours.
                   ... oh yeah, and have a Merry Christmas, Jolly Fat Man!

This Sunday is Homeless People delivery day again! Yeehaw! We are going to do something different so stay tuned. We're also working up a calendar so we have a gameplan in place. Bob is so onboard! I love doing this with my best friend.

I am also working frantically on the homeless pregnant girl idea for the farm. It's amazing how much networking I have been able to accomplish in just a few short days. Time will tell.

Finally, Monday is launch #3 from The List day. My oldest son and his family will be here then. That means my other daughter-in-law, Molly will be here. That means I have a new partner in crime!! Molly, like Amy, is one of my very favorite daughters-in-law. We think a lot alike and generally go in the same direction, at the same time, at the same speed which is full speed ahead. I can't wait for Monday.


31 comments:

Parsley said...

Hey...that man was my father! He told me all about you. (just kidding)

What a funny story but I bet an AWFUL flight. Hopefully you'll have a better weekend and Christmas week!

UberGrumpy said...

Empathised with you on the flight story; I'm usually stuck in the middle of the Kyoto sumo team, or the national halitosis society, or the flatulence convention, returning after their slap-up goodbye meal of beans and sausages.

Anyway.

My wife just started working for this lot:

http://www.boazproject.co.uk/

Might be some inspiration for your new project? Or not. Anyway worth a look.

Monkey Man said...

Sitting next to Homer Simpson is no fun. I guess if you have to look for bright spots, I see two:

1) No B.O.
2) The flight ended and you went your separate ways.

Have a fun week with DIL and family.

Innocent Owner Of Mad Cats said...

Sometimes you just have to look at the bright side. He didn't have gas. :)

Lily Robinson said...

Why don't the airlines wise-up and put in a row of plus-sized seats? I figure if I pay for a seat, I'm entitled to the seat, the whole seat, and nothing but the seat!

Rae said...

I blame the airlines for this. Seats are 17 inches across. There aren't that many people anymore that have a 17 inch a$$. I have been stuck in those situations. It is so awful. Nothing like having a stranger in your personal space. Now on the bight side. You have fun days ahead. Enjoy!!

Jeremy said...

Marla.. Have you considered this might be what some view as "karma"

Much like me having Fuzz as a friend

Blasé said...

Some folks think they are the only human on the planet!

Marla said...

Parsley ~ Tell your daddy he owes me butt space rent? :-)

UG ~ "slap-up goodbye meal of beans and sausages." ROFL!! Checking out the boazproject and thanks!

Monkey Man ~ Good points!

Innocent ~ So true!

Lily ~ Preach it, sister!

Rae ~ Exactly my thoughts.

Jeremy ~ If it was Karma that guy would have been you next to me. So, wanna do a homeless run this Sunday??

Blase ~ Exactly! How dare he not realize this life is all about ME.

Respectfully Yours said...

Hi there, funny post. Hope Mr. Jolly gets to read your blog. Just popped in and going to follow along now. Please come by and visit me sometime.

Sarah said...

yes, you should at least get a free drink for this awful date! that was so funny!!

Anonymous said...

Jolly Man to Marla Post:

Oh sure I couldn't get some young hard body chick next to me. Gotta have someone who wants their whole seat.

And look at those saggy boobs she oughta let me use them as a pillow.

Hope I don't have to get up so she can pee you know those ole ladies can't even hold it two hours.

How come she doesn't offer me chocolate...she looks like she should have chocolate.

I wish she would move her head she is blocking my view out the window...a skinny hard body wouldn't block the view.

Oh we are here... thank goodness and she has on comfortable shoes to boot....boring.

Glad you made it safe to your boring, unstable and meaningful life. Bet you got lots of licks when you returned. Hugs love you.
Cuz, Happy and Merry Cher

Robin said...

At first i thought you were writing to "santa" then I got the picture....Im glad your home now..let the fun begin...

plainolebob said...

Marla & Bob,
Merry merry Christmas from one exiled Okie.
I am praying that everything works out for the farm site.
I just know in my bones this is as it should be.
BIG BIG HUGS
TO YOU BOTH
better to fly than walk

ModernMom said...

Oh no...flights like that are the worst!!!

Thanks so much for coming by my blog and following:) I'm so glad to discover a new read. I'm following right back!

♥Georgie♥ said...

I am LOL @ the Jolly fat man bit but I feel your pain...this has happened to me on several occasions

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Kfred said...

Say, you wouldn't have happened to be flying on American Airlines, would you? If so, count yourself lucky to have only had to endure their new "2 for 1" seating policy. I got to experience that as well has having my bag left behind in Dallas.

American Airlines: Doing what we do best.

Lorenza said...

Well Marla I understand that flying can be a very unpleasant experience, unless you turn it into a very funny one! I like it!

Okie Book Woman said...

Hello, Marla. Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting. I was curious about you, of course, so I hopped over here to check you out. You sound like a wonderful, interesting person, and you're a good writer. I'll be visiting your blog, and I hope you come back to visit mine again.

Cher said...

Hey cuz Happy Holidays. Enjoy your feed the homeless tomorrow.
Hugs to all....

Matty said...

Sounds like you had a "jolly" good plane ride.

And sounds like it's double trouble when your DIL arrives.

Boomer Pie said...

Wonder if he really was Santa in disguise...or Al Gore? Merry Christmas to Marla from http://www.boomerpie.com/
Continue your good works and your cheery posts. http://www.boomerpie.com/

Doctor FTSE said...

I'd a ticket from Limerick to Maine
and this fat guy got into the plane.
He took most of MY seat!
With considerable heat
I said "They should fit bomb-doors for fat a$$ed gits like you, pal, not arms-rests!"

(My last lines are always too fat for the metre, sorry.)

Auntie Cake said...

Hi Marla,
Have a wonderful, wonderful Christmas!
Kate

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I'm no skinny Minnie myself either, but I believe you should pay for ALL the real estate you take up. Or at least rent the space you're taking away from others. At least he was jolly.

When I saw Dear Jolly Fat Man in your title, I , of course, thought you meant Old St. Nick - very clever of you!

Kate said...

Buttock property rental - classic.

I sympathise had a theatre show ocne when I was literally on half a seat. I don;t mean to be nasty but if you take up two seats buy two seats!

Kate xx
http://secretofficeconfessions.blogspot.com/

Two Shades of Pink said...

hahahahahaha and ugh all at the same time. My favorite was when I had the viewing pleasure of watching a woman wipe down her seat for so long with a baby wipe, I am convinced she decided soaking her pants was the lesser evil to the infestation of cooties. And MERRY CHRISTMAS to you. Just slap the cuffs on me now. I will be wearing a Jesus is Lord t-shirt too.

justsomethoughts... said...

i'm thinkin' the left elbow has something to do with the heavy breathing.

Marla said...

Respectfully Yours ~
Thanks for stopping by. Loved your Christmas cruise story. Can't wait to hear the follow-up.

Sarah ~ It's funny now ... :-)

Cher ~ You totally freaked me out with this comment at first. I thought you were some sick perv from the internet, then I realized it was just my sick cousin. lol Merry Christmas, Cher!! Love you, girl ~

Robin ~ The fun has begun!

Bob ~ Merry Christmas, ya Okie!

ModernMom ~ My pleasure!

♥Georgie♥ ~ Merry Christmas to you too!!

Kfred ~ So glad to meet a fellow flyer hater. :-)

Lorenza ~ Sometimes you just have to laugh.

Okie Book Woman ~ Thanks! You are too kind ... but you'll find that out on your own. :-)

Cher ~ It was another good one, cuz. Come to OK and do it with me. It's in our blood.

Matty ~ You know it!

Boomer Pie ~ Al Gore?? No wonder I felt nauseous. lol :-)

Doctor FTSE ~ "...fat a$$ed gits..." I like it!!

Kate ~ Merry Christmas to you!!

Nanny ~ Exactly! Either buy or rent but no squatters allowed.

Kate ~ Precisely ... or at least buy me a drink. :-)

Two Shades of Pink ~ Takes all kind of crazies to make a plane ride worthwhile. A Jesus Is Lord t-shirt too?? You rebel!! Merry Christmas!!

justsomethoughts... ~ Oh, you know it, buddy. I am one hot mama. Bahahahahaha!!!!

Mrs4444 said...

Oh, MAN! I wonder if you could get a refund or something for having to go through that. It's disturbing...

Hope you had a wonderful day today and that you're enjoying your family time :)

Marla said...

Mrs4444 ~ We had a simply lovely Christmas ... but no prime rib and ketchup. There's always next year!

As for a refund ... airlines are the axis of evil. I am walking in the future.