Who Needs Disneyland?

A few nights before Kelly left Oklahoma to head back to Houston, she took us all out for dinner. She is extremely generous like that. You never want to say you like something or need something because sure enough, the UPS man will be at your house a few days later. Anyway, we all went to Mimi’s Café and had a great time eating, visiting and laughing as usual. When it was time to go, we realized the infamous Oklahoma wind had kicked in and Kelly had left her jacket in the van. Bob, being the best husband/bro-in-law ever, took his jacket off and slipped it on my sister as she sat shivering in her wheelchair. Finally ready to face the quickly cooling air, I ran to the van, pushing Kelly in front of me. I am not saying I pushed her in a straight line exactly because, well, if I was in a wheelchair I would want it to at least be a fun ride while being pushed so I did unto my sister as I would wish done unto me. She did not appreciate my extreme sense of kindness and willingness to emulate one top notch rollercoaster ride. Some people have no sense of humor.




Anyway, once at the van, we realized Bob had the keys and was nowhere to be found. We also realized his flimsy little windbreaker was not breaking the wind. We came to this realization through hearing Kelly’s teeth chattering during her tirade about me trying to kill her by pushing her off the curb or something along those lines. Whatever. Being the amazingly kind, considerate and selfish, I mean, self-less sister that I am known to be, I took off my heavy coat, wrapped it around my poor, little, shaking, baby sister. That’s when it happened. As I dug through my purse, trying to find an extra set of keys that would hopefully open the van door, Kelly began to slowly roll away. Towards the parking lot. With moving cars in it. As soon as I realized, through her shrieking, what was happening, I turned and made my way to her before she entered any actual danger zone.



“Oh my gosh! You just tried to kill me!”



“Whatever. You’re fine.”



“If I had rolled into that passing car, I could have been killed. What were you thinking?”



“I was thinking I better get my coat back before it gets blood on it. That’s the only coat I own.”



“When is my flight home?”

Possibilities

This week has been one of extreme highs and lows to say the least. The lowest low is what has happened and continues to happen in Japan. Watching the news and seeing the faces of suffering is more than my brain can comprehend at times. I cannot begin to imagine living through what the Japanese are now dealing with. Every time I turn the news on and see those beautiful, stoic faces, I think of the multiple Japanese exchange students who lived with my parents and with Bob and I through the years. I cannot help but wonder where Noriko, Yoshi and all the rest are today. My heart aches for the entire country as I know many other hearts do as well. I especially find myself sad when I see the elderly, so confused and alone, having lost everything. How I wish we could go rescue them and make it all ok again.

So what to do? Having gone through our own loss in the May 3rd tornado of 1999, I remember all too well the incredible kindness of so many. One group stands out in my mind and that is the American Red Cross. They were there from day one providing for all our immediate needs and continued to be there for months after. Looking back, I really don't know what we would have done without all their help and the help of so many others. I bring this up in the hopes that you might consider giving to the Red Cross as a way to help those in Japan. Please consider it. We can all make a difference together.

American Red Cross

Now for the highs of this last week. Kelly spent the entire week here in Oklahoma with my family. It was wonderful. She was wonderful. I didn't want her to leave. Ever. She did leave however, yesterday. Her husband, David, flew in late Sunday night and they both flew to Houston early Monday afternoon. Then late this afternoon, Kelly went through her clinical trial radiation procedure. My stomach was in a knot all day and I had a bit of trouble thinking about anything else. Anyway, finally this evening, I was able to get David on the phone and immediately asked how Kelly was.

"She's great!"

"Really? Great?"

"Yeah, we just got back to the room and everythings good."

I told David I would call Kelly tomorrow and hung up the phone feeling relief flood every pore of my body. This was a high well worth waiting for. 

MDAnderson is the only hospital worldwide running this particular trial at this time. Kelly is only the fourth person to undergo this procedure. The risks were explained to us as definately there but the possible positive outcome is where our focus remains. Where it will always remain.

Anyway, this last week with Kelly provided for some very entertaining moments. Who knows, I just may tell you a few of them in the days ahead.

Goodnight.

It Just Keeps Getting Better and Better

Sorry I didn't get the promised update posted yesterday. Seems the hospital had Butts and Ashes blocked as I could not get on no matter how many ways I tried. I actually found this rather amusing. I mean, seriously think about it. This place is brimming to the rim with butts and, well, you get it. I understand I am often found by people searching for pictures of butts. I could verify that for my readers by telling you some of the search phrases used by people. Oh yeah, it's all here on my dashboard. But then you would all be completely disgusted with me instead of the usual tolerably disgusted and I wouldn't want that to happen so let's just say there are some sick minds out there on the web and obviously MDAnderson thought I was one of them so they blocked me. Until today anyway.

So anyway, if you don't mind, I will update you on The List tomorrow because I seriously need to update you on Kelly today. I mean, this is not an opportunity that comes around just any old day and I don't want to miss this chance to make fun of  update the latest on my poor, little, helpless sister. Yeah, that's it.

Ok, so Kelly is no longer considered a candidate for surgery on the cancer that is eating away her vertebrae so dangerously close to her spine. This whole scenario has been quite distressing, of course, to all of us. Then last week, MDAnderson called and informed Kel that she had been selected to participate in a clinical trial. She would be the fourth person to go through this procedure and they felt she should see good results from it. She agreed and so here we are back in Houston.

This time it is just Kelly and me. Why our family would entrust my baby sister into my hands is inconceivable to the sane mind. Like I said in this post:

Let’s think for a moment about all the people who have moved in with me or I moved in with them so I could take care of them:

Aunt Sisi ….dead.

Bob’s mom, Lucy….dead.

Our mom….dead.

Uncle Louie….dead.

Our dad….dead.

Face it. My track record for keeping people alive is nothing to brag about.


Anyway, they still picked me to be her traveling companion/caregiver/hospital jester/slave. I can proudly say, I have not killed her. Yet.

So this morning she went in to be fitted for her full body sling and face mask. No seriously, she really did. She had to wear nothing but a pair of socks, biking shorts and a sports bra. Then they placed her on this special foamy pad thing, molded it to her body, wrapped her in plastic wrap, sucked all the air out of the wrap until she looked like she was shrink-wrapped and that's when the real fun began. They then placed this warm, wet mesh looking thing over her face and upper chest and let it harden until it looked sort of like this.

That's when all the crying and hyperventilating started. They thought it would be better if I waited in the other room at that point since I couldn't stop. I'm kidding. I was just fine. Except for the wanting to drag my baby sister off that contraption, run down the hall screaming and hide her somewhere safe. Other than that, it was all good.

Anyway, an hour later she was all fitted and fine and ready for her actual treatment next week. So, here we are getting ready to head back to the airport to fly to my house for the next week. Did I mention I HATE FLYING??

Oh, one other thing. Her newest doctor, the one over this whole clinical trial thing, is a big, tall, drink of Chemo. No seriously. We thought McDreamy was all that until we met McSteamy.

 

Dr. Blue Eyed, Six Foot Five, McSteamy



What a great personality. What a good sport when I told him about the blog and McDreamy. What a guy to do a little happy dance when he heard he would now be crowned McSteamy of Butts and Ashes. As long as he didn't kill my sister. She added that part to the deal. He agreed to her terms so it's all good.

Amelia Earhart Flew and Look Where It Got Her

I am running around this morning like a headless chicken, trying desperately to get ready in time to head to the airport. My sister Kelly is heading back to Houston today and I am meeting her there. It seems like just weeks ago that we were there because we were. Have I mentioned how much I hate flying? How it makes my hands and feet sweat, my head swim with vertigo and my stomach turn to knots and that’s just thinking about flying? It gets worse once I am actually on the plane. Let’s just say, I am the gray-faced, white-knuckled, hyperventilating woman you never want to sit next to when you fly. You’re welcome.

Um, yeah. I already feel better about flying. NOT!!!

So here is the latest dealio with Kelly. It has been determined she is not a candidate for surgery after all. She has, however, been accepted into a clinical trial. Remember, this is MDAnderson, the nations #1, best and brightest, cutting-edge, top shelf, yada yada yada, leading cancer research hospital in the Universe. Or something like that. The fact is, four years ago when every “leading” doctor and hospital in California was telling Kelly, “There’s no hope. You are history, sister. Buh Bye”, my older sister, Char and I were researching like crazy, desperately trying to find another answer. We found that answer at MDAnderson. Not only have they kept Kelly alive and kicking these last four years, they have also given us hope in some of the most hopeless situations. God bless em. Oh, and God bless Dr. McDreamy, too.

The actual McDreamy of MDAnderson. I hear he has skills, ladies.

 MRI skills, Gamma Knife skills, brain surgery skills.....

Speaking of McDreamy, do you think it’s wrong that I recently told him we call him McDreamy and that I blog about him as such and that I post his picture on the web for all the world to see? Kelly got all weird and embarrassed when I spilled the beans to McDreamy about my two, old, wrinkled sisters obsession with him. She also turned three shades of red when I told him how much I appreciated their obsession as it made for great blog fodder. His reaction? The dude was excited. Absolutely giddy, I tell ya. He loved it. Couldn’t wait to tell his wife. Wanted to know how many readers I had, etc. So McDreamy, if you are reading this, I would like to say thank you for keeping my little sister alive. I am grateful, even on the days when I would like to strangle her, I am still thankful. I would also like to say you’re welcome for the free advertising on this blog. You may want to remember that when you invoice her next bill. I’m just saying.

Ok, so I need to go finish the laundry and get my bag packed. Then I need to find a valium or two. Oh, and by the way, I will be updating The List on Monday. I have a thing or two to tell you all on that front. Life is never boring when you’re me and that, my friends, is the truth.

Two Days Late But Not A Dollar Short

Ok, ok, so I know I was suppose to post this on Monday and today is Wednesday. Working these long hours is not conducive to blogging. They aren’t fitting in so well with eating, sleeping or laundry either right now. I may need to get a real life one of these days but for now, I’ll just be thankful I have a job.


So without further ado, let’s get to the winner of the $45 CSN gift card. My sister Kelly read through all the great comments and called to announce the winner. I knew the minute I answered the phone who she had picked because she was laughing so hard she could barely breathe. As a matter of fact, she mentioned something about losing control of certain bodily functions upon reading the winning comment. Of course, I reminded her that at our age, not much was required to produce that effect. I’m just saying. Anyway, take a gander at the winner and see if you can keep a straight face. I mean this gal makes me look normal. I love her.



I post this knowing full-well I'll probably suffer the wrath of PETA for it....

My sister (who is 4 years younger than I am) and I were often left to our own devices growing up since my mom was divorced and working full-time and going to school. Both of us really wanted a dog but my mother refused and finally compromised and let us get gerbils.

Being little girls (I was 10 and she 6) we were afraid to pick them up with our hands and would often grab them by their tails when we took them out of their aquarium. One day we were playing with them and my sister grabbed one of the gerbils by his tail and said "Hey, watch this" and proceeded to swing Mr. Gerbil around like a lasso by his tail. All of a sudden Mr. Gerbil became a tiny furry missile and shot across the room landing on the wall. I looked at my sister and she had this stricken look on her face and was holding one skinny gerbil tail in her hand.

Both of us were speechless and horrified. I ran and picked up Mr. Gerbil who was quite stunned by the sudden smack into the wall and probably feeling quite a bit of painful remorse at the loss of his tail. We took him in the bathroom and I cleaned his little stub and we used Band-Aids to fix his tail. My sister cried the entire time, these big honking sobs, and I kept telling her "see, he's fine, he'll be okay". He actually was...of all our gerbils, "Stubby" lived the longest.

My sister and I both work in the same place now...she's a police sergeant and I'm a dispatcher. I'm actually known as the "instigator" at work...they call me "the pot-stirrer" and the "liar" because I often tease my coworkers.

SHEL,

YOUR COMMENT ROCKED MY WORLD

AND

MADE MY SISTER PEE HER PANTS.

FOR THAT ALONE, YOU DESERVE THE $45 CSN GIFT CARD.

ENJOY!

This Could Explain A Lot

I spoke with my sister Kelly today and she is ready to pick the winner of the CSN $45 GIVEAWAY tomorrow. She is especially ready now that I finally told her she is picking the winner. Maybe she should read this here little blog more often so she can keep up with the things I am volunteering her for. Anyway, remember to enter as tomorrow is your last chance. All you have to do to enter is leave a comment telling me the craziest thing you and your sibling, (they can be actual, inherited or chosen), have ever gotten yourselves into. Come on, you know you want to.

To finish off this tell all contest, I thought I would repost something I wrote way back. It's a little story about something horrid I did to my sisters. It's still one of my favorite and all time best practical jokes ever played on them. So far. Here ya go....


Have you ever done something that you knew you really should not do, but you also knew if you didn’t do it, you would always wish you had? Yeah? Me too!


A few years ago, one of my aunts passed away. It was very sudden and sad for so many reasons. One of those reasons was her husband, my dad’s brother. When I got the call that Aunt Audrey had died and Uncle Louie had been taken to the hospital because of his heart, I got on the first available plane to California. My sisters and I were responsible for Uncle Lou since he and Aunt Audrey had “adopted” us in their will, not to mention, we loved that crazy, old couple. As I flew out the next morning, I wondered how my uncle would ever live without his wife. Eleven days after arriving in California and bringing Louie home to live with my dad, my uncle passed away in his sleep. I remain thankful to this very day for being able to spend those last days with him.


Surely, you can imagine the stress of dealing with two deaths in twelve days, not to mention having to clean out a house full of fifty years of junk. Then there was selling the house and closing accounts, notifying family and friends. It would have been overwhelming at times if my sisters and I had not had one another. Even so, we did get a bit crazy here and there along the way. Case in point:



I had taken care of Aunt Audrey’s cremation but had not picked up her ashes yet. I was too busy taking care of my Uncle Louie, who was obviously not doing well. When he passed away so soon after Aunt Audrey, I ended up having to retrieve two boxes of ashes at once. My sisters would have no part of the ashes thing, so they did all the administrative stuff. Driving back to my dad’s house with my aunt and uncle buckled in the backseat … hey, I did not want to take any chances of a Stephen King type event on the freeway … I started to get irritated. How come my sisters always get to look good, smell good and take care of the easy crap, while I am always wiping butts or driving dead people around? That’s when I began to devise my plan.



My aunt and uncle did not want a funeral. They specifically stated in their wills that they were to be cremated and the ashes sprinkled at sea. I had taken care of the cremations and my sisters had made the arraignments for the sprinkling at sea with the Neptune Society. When I arrived home and found my sisters had gone out … probably for a nail or hair appointment or some other stupid girl thing … I placed my aunt and uncle in the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet and went to work.



First, I ran out to the front garden carrying a plastic bowl and big spoon with me. I quickly filled the small bowl half full with the fine, powdery dirt in my parent’s front planter. Next, I ran back into the house and dug through my mother’s junk drawer finding exactly what I was hoping would be there … chalk. I placed the chalk in the bowl with the soil and grabbed a potato masher out of the pottery crock on the counter. As I mashed the chalk into the soil being careful to leave just the right size and shape pieces, I literally began to sweat with anticipation. For a split second, I imagined my mother standing next to me ready to thump me upside my head in the hopes of knocking some sense into me. Luckily for me, my mom had died two years earlier or she would have killed me right then and there.



Once the bowls content was the exact color and consistency of what I imagined people ashes might look like, I grabbed three plain, white envelopes from the desk drawer in the foyer along with a blue, ink pen. Carefully writing each of my sisters names along with my own, one on each envelope, I could only imagine their faces when this was over. I then slowly scooped a few spoonfuls of “ashes” into each envelope, sealed them and placed them in the bottom drawer on top of my aunt and uncle. I laughed out loud, knowing Lou and Aundrey would have loved this! I quickly cleaned up all the evidence and ran upstairs to change and wash up.



No sooner had I come back downstairs, when my sisters walked in the kitchen door. They were happy and chatty as always and had even brought back dinner for all of us. As we sat eating in the kitchen, my older sister asked if I had picked up Uncle Lou and Aunt Audrey. When I said yes, through a mouthful of coleslaw, both their faces dropped.



“Where are they?”



“In the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet.”



“Why are they there?”



“Where would you like me to put them?”



“I don’t know but somehow the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet just doesn’t seem right.”



“Ok, I’ll go get them and we can put them anywhere you two would like.”



At that last comment, they both began screaming, “No! Don’t bring them in here! Leave them there!”



That’s when I did it. I went into the dining room, opened the bottom drawer, took out the three envelopes and took them into the kitchen. I placed one in front of each of us and sat back down.



“By the way, the people at the mortuary gave me these. They are for the service on the boat, you know, when we go to sprinkle the ashes.”



As they each reached for their envelope, my oldest sister asked, “What are they?”



“They’re part of the ashes.”



Both my sisters literally threw the envelopes on the table screaming.



“Don’t be ridiculous, you two. It’s not like they had cooties. All we have to do when we go out on the boat is stand at the railing, say something nice, tear open our envelope and pour. Simple.”



My little sister sat staring at me shaking her head. My older sister looked completely horrified and made it clear, that was not going to happen. That’s when I grabbed my envelope, ripped it open and poured some of the “ashes” into my left hand.



“Look! It’s no big deal. It’s not like they’re going to bite you.”



My sisters jumped up and looked at me like I had completely gone mad, yelling, “Have you lost your mind? What are you doing?”



I replied, “Crap, now I have ashes all over me.” I then reached out and wiped my hands on the front of my oldest sister’s sweater. I truly thought I had killed her by the look of terror on her face.



Falling to the ground, unable to breathe from laughing so hard, I believe I heard “Idiot” right before I heard the front door open and then slam shut.

Decisions, CSN Giveaway and Childhood Mayhem Revisited

I spoke with my sister Kelly yesterday. It looks like some decisions are close to being solidified. She has pretty much decided to go ahead with more chemo and with the surgery. I am happy. So happy I could cry. Ok, I did cry after we hung up because I surely was not going to cry on the phone with her. No way. As I have said many times, crying is a sign of weakness between us sisters. The underbelly of the beast. Cry and the other sisters will go in for the kill. I'm no fool so no crying until that phone hit the cradle then it was Niagara Falls. I hate that my baby sister has to go through more of this cancer crap but I am happy. There is hope again.


Speaking of my baby sister, don't forget she will be picking the winner on Monday for the CSN $45 gift certificate. From Legos to LCD TV Stands, CSN has it all with over 200 online stores to browse. All you have to do is leave a comment telling me the craziest thing you and your sibling, (they can be actual, inherited or chosen), have ever gotten yourselves into. The comment that Kelly fancies the most will be announced Monday the 28th. How easy is that? Well, easy until your sibling finds out you told the world about them. Then it gets really interesting. Believe me, I know. Anyway, to kick this into gear, I am reposting a story I wrote last year about a little incident when Kelly and I were kids. Enjoy!


I was thinking about my mom today. I was remembering how mad she would get at my sisters and me when we were little. I never could understand why she made such a big deal out of things. I mean, seriously, we were just little girls doing little girl stuff. It wasn’t like we were biting the heads off of bats and knocking down old ladies on the street. That came much later in life. Although, there was that one incident with the new furniture.


My mother was very frugal. My dad was just the opposite. While my mother sat at the kitchen table for hours clipping coupons and planning the route to the seven stores she would hit to save a dollar, my dad was out buying the latest and greatest gadgets and gizmos the world had to offer. My mom wanted to drive her car into the ground while my dad was off to London on the Concorde. They were quite the pair, those two.


When my father finally talked my mother into new living room furniture, it was an event in our home. The green scrolled velvet high backed chairs with matching Mediterranean couch and fancy hi fi in the cabinet that matched the end tables which matched the coffee table which matched…. Well, you get the picture. Then there were the new lamps to complete the ambiance of the place. There was the giant round ball looking thing on one side of the room but on the other side, are you ready….on the other side was the three foot naked angel lamp. Yeah, you read it right.


This amazing creation of a living room was really more like a museum to us. We were not allowed in there. It was for company. Adult company. Not us. “Do you girls understand?!?!?!?!” Now think about that. You have a room in your house with all new stuff in it including a three foot naked angel lamp and then you say stay out. What do you think is going to happen the first time you leave your little darlings home alone while their dad is on the Concorde and their mom is hitting seven stores to save a buck?


So we decided to build a fort in the museum living room that fateful day. First, we got rope from the garage. My sister Kelly tied one end of the rope to the giant round ball looking thing on one side of the room while I tied the other end of the rope to the three foot naked angel lamp. Once we got the rope just the right height, we ran to our bedroom and pulled the blankets off our beds. Running back to the museum living room giggling with excitement, we each grabbed an end of the first blanket and threw it over the rope. Imagine our surprise when the giant round ball looking thing on one side of the room and the three foot naked angel lamp on the other side of the room flew off their matching Mediterranean tables and came crashing down onto the coordinating green shag carpet.


By the time our mother arrived home with her value crammed grocery bags, the blankets were back on the beds, the rope was back in the garage and the giant round ball looking thing on one side of the room and the three foot naked angel lamp on the other side of the room were back on their matching Mediterranean tables. It was years before she ever noticed the glued back together body parts. That is the very good thing about a room rarely used. It buys you time to live.


What made me think about this story today? As I was putting away the last of the Christmas decorations, something caught my eye in the nativity. Baby Jesus is missing an arm and I am pretty sure his head was not on backwards before Christmas.


Darn kids!