Sunday, July 1, 2012

True Dat

There is this weird thing on Facebook called Truths About You or some such thing. Even though I am rarely on FB these days, it seems every time I do stop in to see what's shaking, there is some new "truth" about me on my page. I guess my FB friends play the game, or app, or whatever the stupid thing is called and tell the "truth" about me. So today, I decided to read through all the "truths" as told by my "friends" and guess what? You people don't know me at all!!

Do you think that Marla Hansen needs to lose weight? No

Um, seriously? Has this person never met me? I mean in real life. Even if they are just one of my cyber-stalkers, have they never flipped through the multitude of online photographic evidence proving my point that this answer is ridiculous at best? Did they think the truth vs. the “truth” would damage my psyche forever? Are they under the assumption mirrors have not made it by mule train to Oklahoma as of yet? Were they trying to say they loved me regardless of my tonnage therefore they saw me, in their mind’s eye at least, at an acceptable weight, making it possible for them to answer, “Marla? Hefty? Who are you kidding? The girl is super model svelte!”

Does Marla Hansen need to lose weight?

Ok, this photo is so 20 pounds ago, but still. I rest my fat ass case. Hey, somebody needed to tell the truth before my sisters did. Amen and amen.

Do you think that Marla Hansen owns a nice car? Yes

Again, who are you people? I haven’t owned a nice car since 1976 when I sold my Mustang. Why would I sell my dark burgundy Mustang with black leather interior and the awesome engine that said, “VROOM!! VROOM!!” after I married? Because I wanted babies. Lots and lots of babies. I wanted babies and station wagons filled with strollers and diaper bags and fishy crackers. Wait, not fishy crackers because at that time I was an earth mama so I probably was thinking more along the lines of comfort when I pulled over in my mama mobile to nurse my multitude of offspring someday. Anyway, thirty-six years later, what am I driving?

Oh sure the kids are gone but they have been replaced by grandkids. Buh bye hopes of having a nice car someday. So long dreams of a two-seater filled with only me and my boyfriend I’m married to as we drive along the coast, drinking wine and eating cheese at wineries along the way. Nevermore, Vroom Vroom. Nevermore.


Do you think that Marla Hansen is selfish? No

This one is a bit of a conundrum. On the one hand, I am extremely unselfish. I will give you my last dime, my time, my possessions or my last drop of blood if you need it. On the other hand, the one holding the Snickers, I have been known to lock myself in the bathroom so I don’t have to share. See? Conundrum.


Do you think that Marla Hansen would go Bungee Jumping? No

This person knows me! I would NEVER go bungee jumping, or sky diving or alligator hunting or shopping on Rodeo Drive. All much too scary for this Redneck girl. Now, I will say this, in my younger days, I have been known to jump off of my parents cabana roof into our swimming pool to impress a boy. I was also know to jump off the Cayucos pier to impress a boy. Oh and I did ride a motorcycle and later a go-cart into a fence and yes there were boys involved in those events as well. The biggest jump I ever took was thirty-six years ago. I jumped head first into marriage at eighteen years old. Again, there was a boy involved.


Oh, there’s more………


Delirious said...

My kids know that I hoard candy. Whenever they are craving sweets they come in to my room and say, "Okay, I know you have candy, where is it hidden?" They have found a lot of my hiding spots, but I still have a few tricks, and twix up my sleeve.

Ms. A said...

Whatever faults you think you have, whether we know them, or not, WE LUV YA and LUV IS BLIND.

How in the world are you and how is your sister and was Houston bearable for you, or did you do some serious melting?

Great to see you!

Brian Miller said...

our friends always think the best of car def (with 2 boys) does not stay nice long...smiles....take the compliment where you can get them...grins...

Katharine said...

Never, for all the....whatever in wherever would I bungee jump. I know my life. I know the rope would break, and who wants to plunge to their death with a Snickers clutched in their hand?
Nice to see your post!

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

i've missed you! as always, you bring a smile to my face. lol - today, you cracked me up.

(btw... i hate the new "prove you're not a robot" stuff"

Joanna Jenkins said...

Hahahaha-- You crack me up. Take the compliments!

Your last line about getting married is priceless. I guess things worked out okay :-)

xo jj

So. Cal. Gal said...

I'm ba-ack! I don't know where I've been but it definitely wasn't here and I've missed you and the blog.

I had to go incognito but I hope you know who this is. ; )

Mrs. Tuna said...

Boys are bad, throw rocks at them.

Glen said...

nothing that a good couple of hours on photoshop won't cure..... :-)

Is Marla Hanson relatively decent in the human being department -- kinda :-)

How'd I do?