Monday, February 14, 2011

Who Writes This Crap?

Here I am in Houston, Texas with my sister Kelly and our cousin, Cher. Even though Cher is our cousin, she is really more like a sister. So much so that our kids call her Aunt Cher. Anyway, having the three of us here together has been great and exhausting all at the same time. Staying up half the night and then having to get up at 6am to schlep Kelly to her bazillion tests is tough. For one thing, all these tests are cutting into our gossip time not to mention our afternoon ice cream and nap time. Stupid cancer tests.

Kelly is doing her best to get through all this craziness with as much diplomacy and decorum as possible. So imagine her dismay when after blood work, xrays, infusion and cat scan behind her, she prepared for her first of about four MRI’s only to be informed the doc also wanted to have a barium enema done. When she refused and started to cry, the nurse wheeled her back out to me so she could talk it over with her big sister.

“I’m not doing it, Marla. I have had enough of this crap.”

“Crap. Bwahahahaha!!”

“It’s not funny!!”

“Then why are you laughing now?”


“It’s ok, Kel. Just get through the next few days of tests and tell the doctor he’ll need to give you a good reason for wanting to do the barium enema.”

“He doesn’t have a good reason. It’s like he pulled that test out of his butt.”

“His butt. Bwahahahahaha!”

“No really, you are an idiot.”

The conversation unfortunately went on for way too long and at a volume that was way too loud and involved both of us trying to outdo one another with butt jokes and then laughing hysterically. We finally realized the packed waiting room had become fairly quiet with multiple eyes and ears turned in our direction.

“Kelly! Behave yourself. I can’t take you anywhere. Butthead. Bwahahahahaha!!”

Check back tomorrow. There will be photos. There will be tell all stories. There will be trouble. I guarantee it. Next Monday, I will be back to The List and also there will be a fabulous giveaway. I promise this one will not involve pooping chickens or card shark parrots. Other than that, who knows what will happen?


The Duck Herder said...

So I looked up "barium enema" and frankly I am not impressed.

poor crazy Oklahomian and Houstonite ladies.

But (heehee), like I always say:

"darling, they can make you do it, but they can't make you do it with dignity"

J.J. in L.A. said...

I know how Kelly feels. Sometimes you've just had enough. I agree, get all the other tests taken care of then if he still feels she needs to do an enema, deal with doesn't have to be with dignity.

Brian Miller said...

lol. you both things are going

Parsley said...

Your sister is amazing and you my dear are too. The laughing is a great way to break the stress of it all.

Hey....the word verification is 'STALL' as in bathroom stall ... get it?? Bwahahahahaha

TechnoBabe said...

Why does all the stuff that helps her get better have to be so gross and so painful? Good thing you were there with her. If I ever get sick and have to have tests I want you with me.

Glen said...

this is why I come and read here - you bunch of loons! It is a nightmare that they have to add that bucket of crap into the mix of tests.

How big is the bucket by the way?

Oklahoma Granny said...

Sometimes laughing is the only thing that gets you through the tough times. After all, laughter is the best medicine.

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

you are totally too much. laughed my butt off (lol - butt!)

did the valentine card recipients like the cards? hope so.

Real Life In A Minute said...

I am reading these backwards so I already know about the tests. Laughter is good for the soul...and what ails you. Keep laughing.