Life is just stinky sometimes. Like now for instance. The temperature today was 107. It was about the same last week and isn’t looking much better for next week. Of course, being Hansens, this means that something incredible just had to happen. It is our fate or as my sister likes to say, “You guys are nothing but little black clouds.” Anyway, our AC bit the dust, bought the farm, kicked the bucket, breathed it’s last. It’s kaput to the tune of $6500. Well, that isn’t happening. So we are embracing the wet dog look with accompanying smell and wearing it proudly. Ok, maybe not proudly but I’m seriously trying to find a bright side. Work with me.
Having a $6500 need means I need to get another job. I’m good with that. I am a hard worker, dedicated and loyal to my employer. My references are excellent and I am willing to do what it takes to be the best in my field, whatever that field might be. So what field did I apply in? Senior care giving. I am a good caregiver. I like old, smelly people and I am fearless when it comes to dealing with bodily stuff. There is just one little drawback. I do not want to bathe naked men. I have bathed enough male nakedness to last me a life time and I still have one non-female left in this house that likes to display his nakedness on a daily basis. Enough already!
So, I applied, was clear, concise and honest about my willingness to bathe women and my lack of willingness to bathe men. I succinctly stated I would cook, clean, run errands, play cards, drive to fallen arches meetings, any old, smelly men they threw my direction. I would NOT however, bathe them. “No problem”, I was told. “Let’s get you into training and get you working.” Sounds good, right? Well, training was a blast. I was, as usual, the life of the party and had the trainer laughing and loving me from the get go. What could go wrong, right? My first assignment was with two smelly, young, men. That’s right, smelly, young, men. I was to cook, clean and BATHE THEM! “Not happening,” I said. “I told you this in the interview. I told you I didn’t want to waste your time or mine. No bathing men!” So, I am back to sitting in my sweltering house, looking for a job. I am seriously considering marketing our home as a sauna. It could work.
Tonight, as I was looking through the classifieds and brainstorming possibly starting another business, Bob reached in his pocket and pulled out a Powerball ticket. We never buy lottery tickets so I was rather shocked. When I asked him why he would waste $2 on a lottery ticket, he said it was either that or a candy bar and he figured a lottery ticket had a better chance of paying for a new AC unit. Too bad because I could have seriously used a Snickers today.
Anyway, here we are pretty much naked, laying on top of our bed. Sounds like a good time in the making, right? The reality is, the naked guy next to me better keep his wet dog sweaty paws to himself tonight. The only thing I am willing to cuddle up next to is the Dollar General fan humming sweet nothings at my feet. It’s gonna be another long night.