I spoke with my sister, Kelly, today. She and her best friend Teresa made it safely to Houston last night. Kel’s MRIs, X-rays, blood work and all the rest of the pre-op hoopla began yesterday, as soon as she arrived at MDA. She seems to be in good spirits, though she sounds tired. Not too tired to boss me around however.
I simply stated that I had not purchased a dress, cut my hair, waxed my brows or shaved any necessary areas….legs people! Sheesh!....and she freaked out. It’s not like the wedding is in two weeks. It’s actually seventeen days away. That’s plenty of time to lose forty pounds, grow five inches taller and turn into a blonde. Relax already! Go have your surgery and leave me to my fantasy world, will ya? I’m not the mother of the bride. I’m the mother of the groom. I’ll hardly be noticed. It's not like it's my wedding. Hey! Maybe I could wear one of those cool, yellow, handmade gowns from my wedding.
But noooooo! She called me back to inform me that while she is in surgery Monday, our older sister will be taking me shopping. To buy a dress. And other girl crap. I have ridden this pony before with these two. Charlene is going to get me out there in the land of Big Hair Women and it will be like a bad episode of What Not To Wear. She will have people touching, plucking, primping and praying over parts of me that are best left to jeans, tshirts, flip flops and hairclips. And while she and the glamour gals from stores I am usually not allowed in….no, really, these places have dress codes to keep people like me out….are tittering away about how to stuff my Dolce into a Gabbana, I will be looking for the nearest Starbucks to go with my Cinnabon. There is nothing wrong with the way I look, thank you!
Ok, so that's not really me. It's my daughter-in-law, Amy. Hey, it could have been me. If I was younger....and thinner....and blonde.....and cute.....and...
Anyway, I told Kelly there was no way I was going to go shopping with Char while she was in surgery. I was going to be sitting in the surgical waiting room the entire time….and not because that cute little old man comes by with free coffee and snacks every hour. That is just a coincidence, that I happen to like hourly snacks and coffee and he happens to come by.
So, Miss Kelly tells me, oh yes I am going shopping because she and Char already have it arranged and I am going to do what she says and it is all settled and Blah, freakedy, Blah, Blah…..Blah!
So I responded in my usual mature fashion, “Oh really? Seems to me, you will be in lala land and will have no power over me. What. So. Ever. Ha!”
To which she mentioned something about reading my blog….and commenting….and certain possible folderol from my younger days being released to the masses. I think she was still talking when I hung up.
So, I have come up with a plan of my own. It’s a good one. And it could work. I’ll share it with you…. tomorrow ….