Monday, May 24, 2010

A Case Of Mistaken Identity

I can hardly believe an entire week has gone by since I wrote my last post. Time flies when you are stressed out to the max. So, what is it that has me so discombobulated? Thanks for asking, I’ll be glad to tell you.


My Sister, Kelly



Kelly is out of ICU and doing just fine. Part of the reason she is doing so well, I suspect, is because they have her so heavily medicated. I call her every night and can’t understand a single word she says. The bad part is, she is in so much pain that she has to be heavily medicated. The good part is, I can’t understand a single word she says. Then there is that other bad part. The part where she is going to kill me for posting her Courtney Love photo. I know I said Cyndi Lauper earlier, but with the drugs and everything, I am thinking, definitely Courtney Love. Anyway, I want to be there with her but I can’t so it is stressful and that is why I must eat Oreos.


The Wedding Plan B


My son’s wedding is in five days and without a dress to wear, I came up with a brilliant Plan B. Ok, here it is…or was…whatever. Anyway, the brides family has never met us. Never. Met. Us. NEVER! This got me to thinking and you know how dangerous that is. It got me thinking about the most beautiful couple in our family. That would be my cousins Jack and Barbara. Oh yeah, they are beautiful and classy and sophisticated and normal. Nothing like Bob and me…AT ALL! We love them very much. They love us too. Or so we thought. Anyway, this is them a hundred years ago.






This is them a hundred years later.





Notice anything? No change! No stinking change!! Still beautiful. Still perfect. That’s when the idea hit me. Jack and Barbara could go as Bob and Marla and NOBODY would be the wiser. Ok, maybe our kids would notice but they wouldn’t care because they love Jack and Barbara and probably wish they were their parents. I’m telling you, sometimes I even amaze myself. So, I mentioned my idea to J and B…and they laughed. Laughed. Right in my face. I was speechless. After all I’ve done for them. Ok, I have never done anything for them, but I have thought about doing nice things for them. Anyway, I am pretty sure they have changed their phone number since I get a fast busy when I call now.


The Wedding Plan C


So, that left me with Plan C…which was to actually go shopping for a dress…with five days left before the wedding…three days left before our plane leaves for California…one day left before I have a complete nervous breakdown. My oldest daughter, Rachel said she would take me and help me pick something out. This is good because I have no fashion sense. My girls say I dress too old. My sisters say I dress too Amish. If you are an old Amish woman, I apologize. There is nothing wrong with the way you dress. Maybe this is why I dress like you. Anyway…



So, Rae and I went shopping. I tried on five million dresses. Most of them had me laughing, some had me crying, all had me doing the boogie woogie in the dressing room trying to get in and out of them as soon as possible. I am just not a girlie girl. I seriously have a physical condition that makes it necessary to dress in shorts, tshirts and flip flops. I can’t remember the name of it…something like slobitis…but I swear it’s a real condition. Would I lie to you?






Well, not thirty minutes before the stores were closing, I ran into the dressing room with ten more dresses and as I was running…yes, running…past a rack, I saw this totally, ridiculously, sexy, girl dress and I grabbed it and said, “Rae, get ready for this one!” I was laughing like the fool that I am when I closed the dressing room door, ripped my clothes off and pulled the sexy, girl dress on. Turning to face the mirror, I actually gasped. When I stepped out of the room, Rae gasped. The lady in the dressing room next to me stepped out because she said she had to see what all the gasping was about, and she gasped. When I brought it home and put it on for Bob, he gasped. Then he wanted to kiss me…and stuff. I look like… like…like a girl. No, you cannot see pictures…yet. I promise to post tons of pictures after the wedding. I will be the one wearing the totally, ridiculously, sexy, girl dress.


28 comments:

Ms. Anthropy said...

"Slobitis!" I suffer greatly! Can't wait to see pics of the sexy dress. (I'd have to rent some sexy, to put in one) Won't it be nice to have all this activity behind you? Hope you have time to relax, soon.

Ms. Anthropy said...

...like you EVER relax!

Glen said...

well done on finding the dress at last - Slobitis is real, no doubt about it

mindy said...

Okay...I can't help myself in saying this....NO you and Bob are nothing like the couple mentioned... and DON'T ever change! There is nothing wrong with "what you see is what you get" I could go on and on but I think (hope) you get the picture!!!

Have a wonderful weekend and trip!! Love you guys!

Parsley said...

Aw man...I wanted to see the dress :-( I have a case of slobitis and really need to know what to buy to bring me out of this rut.

Monkey Man said...

So if the whole dress deal is that difficult, I'm thinking - change religions! Go Muslim and wear a burkha. I am sure they have a nice choice of colors for weddings. Problem solved.

Brian Miller said...

all that amazing tension you created and then you leave me without a picture...smiles.

glad your sister is doing ok...have fun at the wedding!

Blasé said...

Can't wait till the wedding is over...

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

can't wait to see it! that's kind of how i felt when i tried on the dress i'm wearing to amy's wedding (at least, i ordered it; i hope i'm wearing it).

love the comparisons and the story.

i suffer from that condition, too.

aLmYbNeNr said...

Kelly continues to be in my thoughts. I hope the pain subsides soon and that she heals quickly. I also have you in my thoughts...hoping that somehow she does not discover that Courtney Love picture of her that you posted TWICE now! LOL!

AND I can't wait to see your sexy girl dress!!!!

Coby said...

I can't wait to see you in your dress! Hottie alert!!!

I'm so thankful your sister is doing well (except for the whole crazy pain thing!). I will continue to pray for her! (And you too).

Enjoy your oreos. I'm going to have some cookies and cream ice cream.

Hope said...

That is so cool. I remember the angst I had over buying a dress for my son's wedding. Plan A dress was a disaster after I tried it on for a group of friends and there was dead silence. A week before the wedding I went shopping again and found a dress at the shop where my soon to be daughter-in-law worked. It was a keeper.

Respectfully Yours said...

wow, I love any story that revolves around shopping. How exciting, can't wait to see pics.

Nicole said...

I cannot possibly imagine that you waited this long to get a dress. I itch just thinking of you waiting until the last second. But congrats on finding what sounds like THE perfect dress!!

I can't wait to see pictures from the wedding and hear all about it.

Thanks for the Kelly update...I wish she were home and meeting you in Temecula for the wedding. We are only an hour from there and had planned on stealing her away for coffee or something so that my girls could see her again - it's been since Maxine was 3 and she turns 10 next week!

Have a fantastic time at the wedding! Safe travels - will be thinking of you all.

{{hugs}} Nicole

Silver Strands said...

Marla I am laughing out loud and going to wake up my ailing mom!!!! YOu are SO funny.
oxoxoxox
Denalee
PS - keep enjoying your oreos

Libbie said...

YEAH! I am so glad you found something to wear! I hope there will be pictures :) You know we all want to see!

I can't believe the wedding is already here! YEAH Again!

Sarah said...

I have no doubt you're going to look fabulous, but I still want to see the picture!

Joanna Jenkins said...

I bet you looked totally hot in the dress. Where's the pictures!!!!!!!

Glad you found something you loved.
jj

Oklahoma Granny said...

Oh, my. I am so anxious to see your gasp-causing girlie dress.

Nancy C said...

I was going to suggest you wear your sister's gown. I guess you other dress will do...

TechnoBabe said...

How fun to find a dress that looked good on the hanger, makes you feel girlie and stuff, and you will feel great at the wedding. Can't wait to see the pictures. Funny, I am more interested to see you in your dress than the bride.

Anonymous said...

Ok....just read....yes she will kill you when she sees that picture. Yes, I suffer from slobitis too. It is just hard to were something girlie to go out and shovel horse shapoopie and feed animals. I am usually filthy within a half hour and I think you have more animals than I do.

Hot of course you will be in the form of flashes. Oh aren't the fifties fun. Remember the year we turned 50 we never did our trip...maybe by 55.

Hugs see ya soon. Love ya
Cher

Mrs4444 said...

That is awesome!

And at least you didn't show her bum! :)

Mommy Lisa said...

I CANNOT WAIT to see it...I will be humming, "Hot Child in the City...running wild and looking pretty..."

Lily Robinson said...

I can't believe we have the same disease! (In the winter, my condition requires I wear socks with my sandals. Yep.

Gotta go shave my hands...

Wanderlust said...

Show us the dress woman!

Jingle said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/05/29/week-20-poets-rally-poetry-awards-plus/

two awards on the bottom for you,
Happy Sunday!

Delirious said...

Lots of belly laughs reading this post. :)