Monkey Business

I have always liked monkeys. Don’t ask me why, I just do. To tell you the truth, I have always wanted to have my very own pet monkey. My cousin had one when I was a kid and from that point on, I was hooked. Her name was Willa Mae. The monkey, not my cousin. Anyway, Willa Mae wore diapers and dresses and smelled funny. Well, she smelled funny to me but I am pretty sure she smelled normal to other monkeys. Not that there were any other monkeys in the family. Not that I know of anyway. I wish there had been other monkeys in the family because maybe then my constant request to have my very own monkey would have been granted instead of ridiculed and mocked with, “Have you lost your mind?”

This is just one of the many fears my sisters have where I am concerned:

That I will end up on People of Wal Mart looking like this lady. So, what's wrong with this picture, anyway?

Speaking of losing your mind, Monkey Man has given me an award. Way back when, I think I gave him one. It was a syrupy sweet girlie type thing and I am pretty sure I did it hoping to annoy and harass him. That’s what I tend to do to the people I like. Annoy and harass. Harass and annoy. It’s a gift. Anyway, the Monkey gave me an award and I have this niggling feeling that he did it just to harass and annoy me. Since I have learned to trust my gut anytime it is being niggled, I have just one thing to say. Thank you, Monkey Man. I like you, too.

 Actual Photo of Monkey Man

The rules if there are such things as rules where awards are concerned are as follows: I have to list ten things I like then pass the award on to ten blogs I like. Sounds easy, right? Well, we shall see, grasshopper. We shall see.

Ten Things I Like by Marla Hansen

1. Butterflies

2. Babies

3. Rainbows

4. Kittens

Oh please! You people are so gullible. Here’s the real list.

1. Practical Jokes ~ I love to plan them, play them out to the end and then run like a girl. So far, I have only had one played on me that succeeded. After all, it’s pretty hard to beat the Joker unless your Batman. Speaking of practical jokes, I have yet to beat the ultimate Butts and Ashes one I pulled on my sisters a few years ago. Oh, but I am working on it, believe you me.


2. Horse Poop ~ Ok, not the actual poop itself but the smell of it. I know, I know, I am disgusting and need serious therapy. I still love the smell. Cow poop, too. I know it has something to do with spending every free moment of my life on my Aunt Meta’s ranch. Those were the best times ever and one of the things that stands out in my memory is the smell. Of horse poop. The end.



3. Making Bob Laugh ~ I love to hear my husband laugh. There is something so completely satisfying to me in saying or doing something that makes him laugh. Even when I write, I make him sit and read every word just so I can watch his face and see him laugh. It absolutely makes my stomach do twirly whirlies when I have the power to make him laugh.



4. Making Bob Cry ~ Sorry, but I do love to make the guy cry. Not like, “What was I thinking marrying this demented creature?,” kind of crying. I’m talking about when I write something from my gut, my soul, my core. Then I make him sit and read every word just so I can sit and watch him cry. When he cries, I know I’ve hit a homerun. I just read what I wrote and I am thinking this makes me sound a bit scary in a psycho kind of way so to quote, “She just goes a little mad sometimes.” Norman Bates


5. My Sisters ~ Please, don’t ever tell them I said this, but I seriously love spending time with my sisters. I rarely laugh as much as when I am with them. Other than when they are being really mean to me and making me cry. Or trying to make me lose weight. Or burning my clothes as they dance around the fire chanting, “Spirit of Wal Mart, come out of her!”



6. My Kids/Grandkids ~ It’s a love-hate relationship with every single one of them. I love to drive them crazy and they hate it. Which brings me great joy and deep satisfaction. Life is good.



7. Writing ~ I cannot begin to put into words how much I love to write. If I had tons of money, I would sit and write all day. Maybe if I sat and wrote all day, I might have tons of money. Then again, maybe if I sat and wrote all day, I would end up living in a bus station with only a sleeping bag to my name, begging for change and sharing sips of Boones Farm from a bottle with a toothless gal named Rosie.



8. Reading ~ I read all the time. I love to read. The only thing I love more than reading is writing. Maybe I should write a story about a toothless woman named Rosie who lives in the bus station sipping Boones Farm from a bottle. Then people could read it and I could stay home all day and write and read.



9. Pretending to Be Julia Child ~ I am openly confessing that I tend to think at times, not always just most of the time, that I am Julia Child. I love to cook and entertain so I am constantly cooking and inviting hungry hordes to our house to be wined and dined. I find it very satisfying to clean the house, prepare what I think is a really fabulous meal, then eat, drink and be merry with my house full of people for hours on end. This is definitely up there with making Bob cry.



10. Public Speaking ~ You think I jest however I am so completely serious. Speech was one of my favorite college courses. I have given well thought out work presentations and last minute party roasts. I have presented my ramblings at funerals and weddings, birthdays and anniversaries. When called upon to lead a women’s study or teach a class on marriage, I jumped at the opportunity. Like Grandma Mary once said, “Some people just like to hear themselves talk.” Enough said.

And now, ten bloggers I like and am passing this award to:

A Beautiful Mess

A Vintage Mom

Enchanted Oak

Far Side Of Fifty

Finding Joy

Fine, How Are You?

Glen’s Life

Matty Thoughts

TechnoBabe’s Adventures

The Middlest Sister

Each of these bloggers brings something important to my life. A view from another set of eyes. Check them out and thank me later.