I found my voice again! Last night, all of a sudden, there it was and I realized something really important, for me anyway. Butts and Ashes, the blog, is done. Butts and Ashes, the book, is ready to be finished. So, I'm finishing my book this year. Wish me luck. Or not. Either way, it's happening!
Oh, and as far as my blogging voice? She's alive and well right here:
So, it's been over three years since I blogged. Oh sure, I'd stop by periodically, type a line or two and then delete it before I knew what happened. But I just didn't have anything to say anymore. I lost my voice after my sister died. I just couldn't write anything worth reading. I tried but it was just too sad and pathetic. It wasn't the me I was used to. It was a dark, scary version of me. I didn't like it. I also didn't know how to fix it. So, I just stopped trying. I stopped writing, stopped being happy. I'm good at faking it when I need to but not in my writing.When I write, the truth usually comes out and I just couldn't let that happen. So I stopped.
A lot has happened over the last three plus years. Some good, some not so good, some really awful. One of the good things that happened, for me anyway, is that I started to hear my voice again. That girl in my head that writes stories all the time, about everything, started speaking to me once more. A lot. I tried ignoring her but she is the sort that won't be ignored for long. She just gets louder. So, here I am.
I've read through Butts and Ashes from beginning to end this last week. It helped remind me how much I enjoy writing, how entertaining I find the girl in my head to be and also how incredibly pitiful I am now and then. Anyway, I decided to give it another go. So, here I am.
It might take me a minute to find my writing legs again but I'm going to try because finally, I think I have something to say again. We'll see.
No, I am not a smoker although I have given it consideration during times of great stress. I was bemoaning to a friend one day that my life seemed to come down to two things, butts and ashes. Having somehow been elected the family caregiver for most of my life, I can assure you, I have seen a great deal of both.
So, this blog is about just that.....life and loving the people in it.....from end to end.