Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Potpourri For $1000, Alex

I have so many things to tell you but who’s got time to write a meaningful post these days? Not me, that’s for sure. Oh, I can write meaningful crap, believe you me. My writing has made grown men cry. Just ask my husband. Anyway, I just don’t have the time right now to be meaningful so instead, I am writing a potpourri of a post. Yeah, that’s it. A post full of flowery this and that sprinkled over all the stinkiness of life. And like potpourri, this post will make you think I have spent hours working on this mess when actually, it’s just a pan of lavender scented Lysol slid under the couch. I may have just given away one of my many cleaning tips but anyway, here is what I thought you should know today.


My sister is trying to kill me. No, seriously, she is. I want it in writing for all the world to see so when she succeeds there will be witnesses to the crime. Remember, you read it here. She is trying to kill me. How do I know? Simple. I hate to fly. She keeps making me fly to Houston to meet her at MDAnderson. She even buys my plane ticket for me. On Southwest Airlines.



This Southwest Airlines. The one with the moonroof.
What? Airplanes aren't suppose to have moonroofs?
TELL MY SISTER THAT!



When I called her after the news hit the airwaves regarding Southwest’s “mishap”, I very clearly stated that I hated flying, did not want to fly ever again and definitely not on Southwest Airlines. Then I got this in my email today.



Another round trip ticket to Houston.
Or is it a one way ticket? Hmmmm?



I’ll show her. I am going to take out a million dollar life insurance policy before they drag me kicking and screaming onto the plane. That way, Bob will have money to prosecute. You have been warned, Kelly Jeanne.


Call me a chicken. I don't care.
They don't fly without a lot of squawking either. 



Speaking of my sisters, they have informed me I am not funny. They have also informed me that my writing is not appreciated as it is mostly a crock of something or other. Oh yeah, well I beg to differ. I have received a precise message from above clearly disputing these false allegations.





Read em and weep girls. You can’t fight Confucius.





The fortune cookies have spoken.

26 comments:

Ms. A said...

Thank goodness those fortune cookies were of a positive nature and didn't warn you of flying. (I'm a white knuckle flier, myself)

J.J. in L.A. said...

I have no problem with flying. Of course, I grew up with 5 brothers and nothing is scarier than that.

Brian Miller said...

i am waiting...smiles.

travel light and maybe hit the surplus store to buy a chute just in case?

Glen said...

when they start having trap doors is when you want to worry

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

LOL - SW Airlines wouldn't be my first choice but look at it this way... ALL of their planes have now been inspected. So, they might be my FIRST choice now.

Be safe - have fun.

Mejis said...

You couldn't get me on another plane again, especially with all the air traffic controllers falling asleep on the job or watching movies.
Crap, I probably shouldn't have reminded you about that...

Oklahoma Granny said...

Did you make up those fortunes yourself? LOL

Silver Strands said...

HAHAHAH ... I LOVE you Marla!

Deborah said...

Flying sucks! It just does!

You're safe up there. We are sending enough energy and white light to float a sea of airplanes. Yes we are!

And . . . I recently had a fortune cookie that was BLANK! WTH?? What could that mean??

TechnoBabe said...

I wouldn't get on a Southwest plane, but I know you will. I want to see a post from you after you get back, as soon as your feet hit firm ground.

gayle said...

I would be so scared to fly now too but I would do it!

Happy Easter!

Sarah said...

If you have to go, pleeeeese pack a parachute with you!

Libbie said...

I wish they would have told me that your writing stinks BEFORE I fell in love with you & your blog :) Rats...now I am hooked :)

& I suppose if I had a sister who wrote so bad...I'd try to kill her too...maybe send her TWO plane tickets :) I know you hate flying so I really hope it goes well! & that you have a great time with the girls! They are just ganing up on you since you are the Middlest Sister :)

Lib

Suzanne Kelley said...

I never really minded flying. I always got a window seat, opened my book, put on my headphones and entertained myself till touchdown time.

Its all about attitude my friend! Or uyou could just get drunk on the plane and the depities would have you carried off and you would be such an embaressment to your sisters that they would not ask you to fly again.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Whatever you're going through, you're always able to spread cheer. Thanks for that and the lavender scented Lysol tip.
Love ya, Marla.
xoRobyn

Far Side of Fifty said...

Well what are your options..oh I suppose you could walk..or take a bus..I am sure your sister is not trying to kill you on purpose:)

Joanna Jenkins said...

You have me laughing out loud!

And for the record-- I'd get on a Southwest flight kicking and screaming too :-)

xo jj

Auto Title Loans said...

Well, you made me laugh. So, that says something! I hate flying too- especially on Southwest. I always feel like an engine is going to fall out or something. Just remember to take a Xanax and it'll be all good!
Ava

Unknown Mami said...

Just stopping by to tell you, you are in my thoughts.

BTW, I kicked Confucius' ass. Deal with it.

Mrs. Tuna said...

Those damn sisters are so tricky. Don't worry, I got your back.

Dentist Los Angeles said...

1. I hate flying, too.
2. You are funny...at least in my opinion, but my opinion doesn't really matter.
3. I hate fortune cookies that don't give fortunes- how is "You are a nice person and people like you" a fortune?? I want "You will meet your Prince Charming and win a million dollar in the lottery next week."
-Rosie

Air Purifier said...

I wish I had a fortune that said I was sociable and entertaining!!! Mine usually say I'll have a nice day or something like that.

Los Angeles SEO said...

Thanks for the cleaning tip. Also my boyfriend just bought me a ticket on Southwest... I don't mind flying but that airline is only for those who are adventure seekers and have a strong bladder.

Online Furniture Stores said...

Oh, How I love the fortune cookie. You got some really good ones, my luck doesn't seem to match yours.

Backup Camera System said...

How insensitive of your sister! I'm pretty sure nobody really likes flying anyway lol

And I always love getting really positive fortune cookies too lol

PPLIC said...

Nice article. very interesting, thanks for sharing.