Holy Crap

Hey Kel,

So I got through my birthday without you. It wasn't easy but it was full of some amazing surprises. First, there was Bob showing up at my work to take me to lunch. I hadn't told anyone it was my birthday because I didn't want to have a birthday without you. So, I boycotted. Then Bob showed up, told everyone and they made me leave the store and go to lunch. Here's the amazing part. It was fun and I laughed. Not just ha ha laughing, laughing until I was in tears and not the miserable tears I have been crying. These were good tears.

We had just finished our wonderful meal and headed outside to the car. I noticed a store across the street had closed down and I mentioned to Bob that the guy who owned it was a real jerk. I told Bob some rather unsavory things this character had pulled on me and we agreed it wasn't too shocking for someone like that to not make it in the business world.

" Yeah, dude thought he was a balla."

"Um.....what?"

"He thought he was a balla."

"Um.....honey, I have no idea what you're saying."

" A balla. Dude thought he was a balla."

"Ok, I am pretty sure you and I are running in completely different circles."

This is when I started laughing.

"No Marla, I mean it, I think it's time I got you out of here. How do you know this stuff?"

Then I went from laughing to hysterical laughing. Then we both were hysterically laughing and life was good for a moment.

Later, on my drive home, I did what has become the norm. I cried. I cried because I thought about how funny my conversation with Bob had been at lunch and how I would have definitely called you and we would have definitely laughed until we couldn't breathe over it. But you aren't there anymore. So I called Char and I told her my stupid story and we laughed and I felt another moment of hope.

Then tonight, the gift I was hoping for, praying for, longing for arrived. Words that sunk deep into my heart. Words from you. I believe it.

I opened my email tonight and there was a short sentence from my friend, Glen. It was in response to the foolishness I wrote last night about horse poop. It simply said;

"Has it occurred to you that you were a wild flower in the poop of Kel's life? "

When I read those words, I heard your voice and I could see your smiling face again. And I cried. Sad tears but not quite so sad. I cried because it had not occurred to me and suddenly, it was so clear. So I cried because even wildflowers need water now and then.

I miss you,

Mar