Wednesday, April 25, 2012

So Shoot Me

Can you believe this? An actual post from the long, lost blogger. You did notice I was long lost, right? Anyway, I am suppose to be at a team builder right now. You know, the kind where all the managers from your company get together and learn to work as a mean, lean, dream team. Yeah, one of those. This incredible team building opportunity involved getting shot by paintballs. Awesomeness, I know. I mean seriously, nothing could ever make me want to be a part of a team more than running away from grown men in masks who are trying to shoot me. For four hours. In 90 degree weather. I was a complete fool to bug out on this one and I am sure I will regret missing the opportunity to be covered with welts. Someday. But not today. Nope, today right after the P & L meeting, on my way to the “team builder”, I made an executive decision. I sure did. I grabbed some lunch which I ate all by myself without having to answer a phone, help a customer or take hours to finish because of all the Hey Marla’s. It was lovely. Then I got my hair whacked off by a darling young woman who didn’t talk my ear off but simply pampered me. I even got some waxing done because seriously, who in their right mind would walk around with giant scrub brush eyebrows after getting a new whack-a-doo. Not me. Then I jumped in my car and headed to the paintball field figuring I was only 90 minutes late and since I am the oldest team member, they would forgive my tardiness. That’s when I realized I had to drive right by the road that leads to my house to get to the paintball field and well, the car just seemed to have a mind of its own. So here I am. So shoot me.

Speaking of people wanting to shoot me, I will be seeing my sisters in a few weeks. Yep, we are heading back to Houston for the next round of MDAnderson Jeopardy. I believe Kelly will be choosing brain surgery for the 8th time, Alex. What that girl will do for attention. Sheesh! All in all, her spirits are good and she is facing it one day at a time. I truly have no clue how she does it. I mean, other than the heavy narcotics and such. She is quite the amazing specimen of true grit and determination. The plan is to meet in Houston, see what McDreamy has to say about surgery and then possibly head back to Oklahoma for a few weeks until the actual surgery date approaches. You know what that means. Lots of laughing, lots of fighting, probable crying with a side of hissy fits thrown in. Yeah, it’s never boring when we get together. All I know is I am getting tired of all this brain surgery crap. Oh sure, there has been a hip replacement here and a back surgery there but seriously. Enough already. Can’t we just go shopping?

Talking about Kelly possibly coming to my house for a few weeks reminded me of something that happened last time she was here. It was a few years ago. I had spent a few months in the hospital with her while she went through her hip surgery and rehabilitation. Then she came back to Oklahoma for a few more months so we could care for her as she went through learning to use her new bionic features. To say this was an incredibly difficult and painful time for Kel would be a massive understatement. It was so painful in fact that she was heavily sedated much of the time like at bedtime. There was no other way for her to sleep but to spend a good thirty minutes positioning her body just so with pillows and rolled up blankets and then knocking her out with the good stuff. I mean, like a sledgehammer to the back of the head good stuff. It was awesome to hear her snore because it meant no pain at least for a little while. Now, she would wake up periodically throughout the night and reach over to make sure I was there. Sometimes she would even ask for something like a readjustment or another pain med. More than anything, I am pretty sure she just wanted to know I was there. It seemed to bring her comfort.

Anyway, my cousin Cher came to visit during that time. Kelly and I were sleeping in my room, Cher had the back studio and poor Bob was banished to the 5th wheel out  by the barn. One night after Kelly was in bed and Bob had walked out to the trailer, Cher asked me when the last time was that Bob and I had been able to ….um….well….be friendly. I had to think about it for a minute before answering with, “I seriously can’t remember. Months, I’m sure.” That’s when Cher came up with the dastardly plan. It was awesome. We planned, plotted and giggled like two Catholic schoolgirls gone bad. We worked out all the kinks and settled on the following night as “Operation Love Shack.”

We went through the next day not saying a word to anyone but giggling every time we looked at each other. I mean seriously, it was just like when we were teenagers hanging out together, plotting evil. Not that we ever did that. But if we had it would have been just like that. That night, I got Kelly settled in bed, drugged to the appropriate knock her out just don’t kill her level and then climbed into bed to watch TV with her until we fell asleep. Just our usual routine, folks. Nothing to see here, just move along.

As soon as Cher heard Kelly snoring, she snuck into our room where I carefully slithered out of the bed as Cher carefully slithered into the bed. I quietly crept my flannel PJs over lingerie self to the back door and made my escape. I ran through the yard towards the barn, praying my slippered feet would miss the piles of horse presents that mined the acreage. Reaching the 5th wheel, I ran up the steps, threw the door open and stepped into the living room of the Love Shack. Bob, who had been peacefully laying in bed watching TV, bolted upright concerned that something was wrong with Kelly. Relieved all was well inside the house, well, let’s just say Bob is a very friendly guy and showed great hospitality that evening. And that’s about all I have to say about that other than I hope Kelly still hates this blog and doesn’t read this. But just in case....'s allll a dreammmm......takeee anotherrrr pilllll and close your eyessss...... you won't remember a thingggg in the morninggggggg.